Showers, Sympathy, and Suffering

I will admit it up front… The title of this post is entirely random. I had to call it something or it wouldn't let me post it, but MAYBE by the time you get to the end of this blog you will see where I was coming from. By the time you read this, I will most likely have written and rewritten it half a dozen times. Partially because this is my process, but mostly because I have so many things I want to say and no idea how I am going to tie them all together, if it is even possible. Please, please stick with me faithful friends.

I have a lot of my most intimate times with Jesus in the shower. I don't know if it is because that is one of the few places I find myself during the day that I am not totally distracted, or if it is because I'm in there in the morning when I am still waking up and ready to listen, but that's where Jesus and I like to spend a lot of quality time. Sometimes I stand there and am moved to tears because of the things Jesus is speaking to my heart, and I am totally okay with it because my face will be dripping wet when I get out anyways. Why am I sharing this awkward, private information with you? Not just to be so weird, but because I want to be able to convey to you the significance of a moment that I experienced a while back that Jesus has so gently been reminding me of lately.

One September morning, I was in the shower praying when I felt something click on the inside of me. My "Jesus have this day and make it yours" prayer turned into something a little deeper and more bold than usual. I remember praying this, "Father, my whole life is here in your hands. My prayer is that you would use me however you desire to get the most glory. If that looks like suffering loss so that my life can be a testimony of your restoration, may I have nothing left at the end of the day. If that means journeying with you through some dark moments so that people can see you as comfort, may I be willing to take your hand and go quickly for the sake of your Kingdom. If that means you allow me to face bumps, and roadblocks, and obstacles so that my life can be a testimony of your sweet presence in the midst of it all, strip away every comfort."

Let no one mistake me sharing this as some kind of flaunting of my spiritual strength. Literally two seconds after this prayer I panicked and said, "I'm just kidding. I take it all back." In that moment of Holy Spirit empowered boldness, I had meant what I said with everything in me. I had offered myself up as a willing, living sacrifice, and then I had a glimpse of what that might mean and I wimped out. The Lord knew and knows that this is my heart, though, and in some really tiny, bite-sized pieces, he has fulfilled this prayer I prayed in the shower in September.

Pause. We need to take a quick detour for a second and then I promise to tie everything together in the end, hopefully. Let me explain to you quickly the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is understanding what others have experienced because you have experienced it for yourself and can put yourself in their shoes.

Sympathy is acknowledging another's hardships and providing comfort and assurance.

When you are facing a diagnosis, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will tell you all kinds of things to make you feel better, and you will probably be left feeling worse at the end of it all. Empathetic people will be there to walk you through it with the testimony that they have been there and are still alive to tell the story. When you lose someone you love dearly, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will bake casseroles and offer hugs, but empathetic people carry the scars to prove that healing will come to your heart someday.

Here comes the connection, we are almost there. These past three weeks of my life have been really, really hard in more ways than most people could understand. I have felt more pain physically, mentally, and emotionally than I thought you could feel all at once without cracking. It has not been an enjoyable period of time for me in any way, shape, or form. At first, I did not handle any of the things I was experiencing well at all. I was slowly starting to unravel, growing more weary by the day, until Jesus started picking up the pieces behind me. I have felt hurtful things I have never felt before and watched fears I didn't even know I had come to life before my eyes, AND I WOULD GLADLY DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. (I typed that in caps so both you and the enemy who has been waging war against me this whole time would get the point.) I have found true, life-giving joy in this suffering. Why? Because when Jesus leads someone in my direction who is experiencing severe physical pain, I can tell them that I have been there and that He is holding my hand as he desires to hold theirs. When someone shows up on my doorstep with heartache, I can welcome them in and tell them about my God who restores every broken piece of a shredded heart. When someone walks up to me in the grocery store even years from now who is dealing with both simultaneously, I can tell them about Jesus who is their hope for the redemption of it all. I don't want to be sympathetic. Sympathy does not make anything better. I want to be a faithful friend who is willing to walk the distance to see another restored.

My prayer for my own healing lately has changed a bit in light of this revelation. I was praying three weeks ago, "Jesus! Please hurry and take the pain away. I can't function!" But I have realized since then that I can function. I do not doubt for a moment that Jesus can and wants to heal me, but I am okay with him doing that whenever he should choose so that the maximum amount of people can see him do it. If my suffering can last a day, month, or year longer for the sake of someone else coming to know my Jesus, let me suffer with joy in my heart and all over my face.

Final thought: I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday about a major health crisis she is facing. Her suffering is in so many ways much greater than the one I have experienced. She told me that every time she gets ready to get up and share her story, she gets hit even harder with her illness and all the symptoms that come along with it. The enemy real, friends. He knows human nature-- that we will let ourselves become dulled to the point that we stop going the distance or standing up to speak because we expect more pain to follow. That is fear. My friend is not allowing that fear to steal her story, and neither will I, and neither should you. There is a world who needs overcomers, people who have been through the fire and come out on the other side, so that they may know the hope that is theirs in Christ Jesus. Would WE be so bold as to be those people.

Unexpected Lessons Part 2

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog from my hospital bed called Unexpected Lessons (if you've never read it, you can find it here). I wrote about the lessons that I was learning in the midst of a very uncomfortable time of my life when my health had taken an unexpected turn for the worst, and I was battling a serious infection in my body called pseudomonas. A month after that blog was written, I found myself in the heart of Peru doing my very favorite thing, preaching the Gospel. Jesus had used an intense stream of antibiotics to fully wipe out the infection and I was allowed to travel to my favorite place on earth and introduce many people to my Jesus. While in Peru, I became very sick. Thinking it was a relapse of the pseudomonas and after a near collapse in the middle of Lima, I was taken to a hospital nearby where a very capable Peruvian physician found a stone in my gallbladder that was dangerously close to entering my liver. I flew home with my team a week later and had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder along with the stone, then I left for ORU two weeks later.

Since I arrived at ORU a year and a half ago, I have been blessed with great health. I have not had any relapses of the pseudomonas nor have I had any major issues as a result of my cholecystectomy. A little over a week ago, another opportunity for unexpected lessons appeared in the form of neuropathy. I went to sleep Wednesday night feeling like I had lost circulation in my feet and legs. I figured I had just gotten overly chilled in the freezing Tulsa weather, and my feet and legs were warming up a little slower than usual. Thursday morning I woke up and I felt like I had fallen asleep in a colony of fire ants. The pain in my feet and legs brought me to tears and I only fought my way through two classes before I had to go to Urgent Care to hopefully get a little relief. They told me there that they were clueless as to what could be going on in someone of my age and my health, prescribed some steroids probably just to make me feel better in my own mind, and sent me home. By 7pm that night, we were on our way to the emergency room with sever pain in my legs and up my back. After a long, LONG night, I was sent home on pain medication with a diagnosis of neuropathy.

Neuropathy is common in diabetics, alcoholics, people over the age of 70, or people exposed to toxins. I have low blood sugar, never consume alcohol, am a young 20 years of age, and tested negative for toxins in my system. The doctor recognized all of these factors and decided the best thing they could do would be to medicate my pain and continue to refer me out until someone could determine what was wrong with me. After a doctor's appointment this past Tuesday in which I tried to explain to the doctor that my pain was not improving, not much has changed in respect to earthly answers. She looked me over, ran a couple of basic tests, scratched her head, referred me to a neurologist, and prescribed me a new medication used to treat the basic symptoms of neuropathy. This new medication might be my biggest road block right now, as I fight to write this blog in complete sentences without losing my train of thought or coming up short for words. I am exchanging a few levels of pain for a serious brain freeze while my brain adjusts to the neurological effects of the medication.

Before you write me off as totally helpless or write this blog off as super depressing, let me just say that I didn't give you a rundown of my medical history in order that one of you could hopefully diagnose me, find a cure, or feel really, really sorry for me! Jesus is already working to heal me, and sympathy could be better redirected to people who are suffering a million times worse than I have been. I am not discouraged, frightened, frustrated, or feeling hopeless in any sense. I write this post with a smile on my face because I am about to share with you everything that I have been learning lately.

1. Jesus is always good. Seriously friends! Never do I know Jesus to be more of a healer, more faithful, or more beautiful than in times like these. I am so thankful for the opportunity to deal with hard things because they always reaffirm who I have believed Jesus to be all along. When I wake up in the morning and I just can't get my mind to wake up because of the medication, Jesus reminds me that he is renewing my mind and I get so much more accomplished that day than I could have on my own. When I take a few steps and feel the fire ants in my feet, Jesus carries me further than I could have gone on my own. When I feel like no one quite gets what is going on or that I will never get any answers, Jesus reminds me that he knows pain more deeply than I ever will and that nothing is hidden from him.

2. Job was onto something. I am not in any way comparing my trials to those of Job. Job had it really, really bad. He lost everything, and all I have lost is a little physical comfort and a little brain power for a temporary period of time. However, Job did something that I am training myself in these moments to do-- praising God just because He's God and He deserves it anyways. If I look at myself too long, like Job I am faced with the temptation of questioning in my heart God's goodness, but if I cast my eyes on the face of Jesus, I can keep worshiping my way through it all.

3. Nothing is forever. I don't plan on suffering for forever. I really do believe the end to this whole episode is in the very near future. But even if it wasn't, I know it's not going to last forever. At the end of my life I will stand before God and the pain and struggle won't even be a distant memory in my mind. Nothing is forever.

4. Tiny problems can cause a lot of damage, so care for the small things. Let me tell you about nerves for a second. They're usually quiet, unconsidered by their owners, and faithful to do their intended duties. However, if something goes remotely wrong with them, pain is on its way. If you do not take care of your body or you put yourself at risk in some known or unknown way of damaging your nerves, you are going to pay for it later. It's a lot like the "small things" in our walk with Jesus. There are so many things that go unconsidered: quality time in the presence of God, faithfulness and discipline to train our hearts and minds in the Word, or the fulfillment of our purpose on a daily basis. These things can go on neglected, but not for long before the pain comes. We must be careful to care for even the smallest aspects of our spiritual lives so that we can be whole and complete lacking nothing.

Dear friends, thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. You all have been the hands, feet, and mouth piece of Jesus in a very precious time of my life. Grace and peace to every one of you. 

The World's Worst Marketing Campaign

I don't claim to be an expert in the field of marketing, but I am pretty sure there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Actually, I KNOW there is a right way and wrong way to do it because every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I roll out of bed and sit in Principles of Marketing for an hour learning the difference.

There are four components that play a part in effective marketing-- product, price, placement, and promotion (I just typed that by memory, someone tell my prof I deserve an A). Product is what the consumer can expect to receive in exchange for a resource of equal value, usually currency; price is the monetary value placed on the product based on what a consumer is willing to hand over in exchange for that product; place has to do with where the product can be found, whether its on a specific shelf in a certain store, or on a specific page on a certain website; and promotion has to do with making the consumer aware of the product and creating a desire within the consumer to obtain it.

When getting ready to promote a product or service, companies spend thousands if not millions of dollars researching their consumers so that they know exactly what to say and how to say it in order to secure a sale. If their customers want fun, they're going to make their product sound fun. If their customers want prestige, they're going to make their product seem prestigious. If their customers want efficient, they're going to bend their campaign as much as possible to present their product as efficient.

If this is what defines a good marketing campaign, then it is safe to say that God is not interested in the business of marketing. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this, "When Christ calls a man he bids him come and die." Literally the worst marketing campaign ever. Here's Jesus saying"Follow me! But first, give up everything you have, all your hopes, dreams, plans, and ambitions, and pick up your cross." I can only imagine what the disciples were thinking standing beside Jesus as these words escaped his mouth. Peter, always a bit quick to offer his advice, probably wanted to whisper something into his ear along the lines of, "Hey Jesus, I'm sure you know what you're doing but let me just throw something out there. Instead of saying 'come and die' maybe you could highlight some of the benefits of being your disciple. You're going to kill our head count in the weekly attendance report if you don't change your approach a bit."

Had Jesus been concerned about changing his approach, had he said anything less than "come and die," he would have been untrue to his own Gospel message. In the United States of America, we have done with the Gospel what we have done with everything else- made it about us… tailored it to fit our wants and needs. The Gospel has never been about being the best you that you can be. It has always been about the fact that at our very worst moment, when we were drowning in our humanity, God humbled himself, became a man, died a horrible death on the cross, and three days later rose from the grave conquering death once and for all. It has always been about believing in Jesus' finished work on the cross, dying to ourselves, and repositioning him on the throne of our hearts.

Sorry to burst some bubbles, but if you are living a comfortable life, never sacrificing yourself for the sake of the Kingdom of God, never exiting your comfort zone to introduce a stranger to Jesus, never speaking loudly enough of your faith to have someone reprimand you for it, you probably aren't carrying your cross like Jesus. I'm guilty of it, too. Not many of us reading this will ever experience literally losing our lives for the sake of following Christ. For our brothers and sisters around the world, however, this is what following Christ means. It means no more family gatherings because family has disowned them. It means no more education, because education in many areas is not offered to a professing believer in Christ. It means no freedom of worship, no job, no home, and often times no life.

Though we may not experience physical death here in the United States, though you reading this overseas may not experience physical death in your nation that is still open to the Gospel, let us embrace wholeheartedly a death to ourselves. Let us be willing to go when he says 'go.' Let us be willing to give up the things we cling to when he says 'open your hand.' Let us live our lives for the one who gave his life for us willing to follow his call to come and die. Amen.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"He loves me… he loves me not…" This phrase signifies the death of flowers everywhere as petals fall to the ground carrying with them the hopes and dreams of a little second grade girl who wonders if she has found her Prince Charming. It's a silly game that is played by our daughters, our students, and our little sisters that ends only when one petal remains signifying if the object of her affection does or does not reciprocate her "love."I chuckle at the thought of a little girl on the playground in distress because the final petal landed on "he loves me not" indicating to her that all hope is lost. I chuckle again as she picks up a handful of new flowers to try again and again until the last petal lands on "he loves me."

I played this game far too many times as a child. Unfortunately, I still play it to this day.

I hold in my hands all of my deeds and as I drop each one to the ground, I determine if He loves me or if He loves me not. Obviously, the He I am talking about is Jesus. I was kind to a stranger today… He loves me. I snapped at a friend out of impatience… He loves me not. I spent my afternoon praying and reading the Word… He loves me. I sinned again… He loves me not. I know this game makes just about much sense as the version I played in elementary school, yet I still have the tendency to play it from time to time on an off day. I forget or I choose to ignore the fact that His love for me is not contingent on what I have or have not done, but rather on the fact that He chooses to love me regardless. Do you or I deserve the love He chooses to pour out on us? Absolutely not. We are fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any more that the man who sits behind bars for murdering his child. We are also fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any less than our pastor who spoke so eloquently on Sunday. 

It is by the grace of God, God's unmerited, unearned favor, that we have the opportunity to sit under the fountain of his love and drink deeply from it. My goodness does not gain me that access, nor does my sin revoke that access. Today these words from 1 John bounce around in the walls of my heart: 

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we many have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in the world. there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

I don't think I am the only one who needed the reminder today that God's love for me is more sure than anything in my life. Nothing, NOTHING, you or I could ever do will make God stop loving us. If you don't believe me, go read it for yourself here, and then go forward in the grace and peace of God.

If you are reading this and you have never experienced the love of God before, or you aren't sure what all of this Jesus stuff has to do with you anyways, please leave a comment below or send me an email to the address provided in my bio. I would love to introduce the two of you.

If The Gospel Was Ebola

Ebola. No one was talking about it before February 2014; everyone been talking about it since. I don't think I could tell you how long its been since I went a whole day without seeing it on the news, reading about it on my social media feed, or hearing it escape the lips of a stranger on the sidewalk. People are either A) panicking B) complaining C) developing conspiracy theories or D) creating memes making fun of options A, B, and C.

This blog is not my two cents on this epidemic, though I would like to ask everyone to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that ebola did not throw Jesus off his throne. I am intrigued, however, by the reaction of so many people and the news being spread about this virus. When you google ebola, you will see the following results (I can't help but read these headlines in the voice of our local newscaster who has a way of making everything seem so much more epic than it really is):

Ebola in America: Has the Fever Broken?

Signs and Symptoms: Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever

What We Are Afraid to Say About Ebola

Ebola Outbreak: What You Need to Know NOW

The bottom line is that people want to know what it is that everyone else is talking about and they want to know if they should concern themselves with it as well. What if the Gospel was ebola? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing its effects on the news? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing it preached on my news feed? What if I heard it pouring out of the mouths of strangers as I passed them on the sidewalk? What if people wanted to know what it is that Christians can't stop talking about and what if they started asking themselves if it should be a part of their lives, too?

Unfortunately, we seem to talk a lot more ebola than Gospel. I've never seen a headline that read "Signs and Symptoms: the Gospel is Taking Over" or "The Gospel: What You Need to Know Now." It saddens my heart that I haven't seen a headline that says "The Gospel in America: The Power of Sin Broken" or "The Gospel in America: Lives are Being Restored."Why aren't these the normal banners on the 5 o'clock news? Somewhere along the way, we have stopped letting our experience with the Gospel be contagious; and so it doesn't spread to our community or across borders, it settles inside of us and sometimes people don't even know we have been infected.

I want the name of Jesus to be as famous in the eyes of the world as the word "ebola." The truth is, it probably isn't these days. People can't keep their opinions about ebola to themselves, but they have no problem keeping quiet about Jesus. That's totally weird to me. There is nothing more powerful, more cataclysmic, more radical, more life-altering than the Gospel. Let's start being a little louder about it until people are seeking Jesus more than they are unreliable facts about ebola.

Undercover Christianity

When I was a little girl, I heard a Sunday School lesson about how we as Christians are like undercover agents in a foreign country sent into an unfamiliar land-- not to be like the inhabitants of the culture, but to be on duty, faithfully serving our homeland. In my overly imaginative, eight-year-old mind, I pictured myself weaving in and out of the trees at school in a trench coat and sunglasses watching all the "foreigners" going about their lives, waiting for my opportunity to slip in and deliver a secret message without being caught. I am pretty sure that this is not what the teacher had in mind when she was giving us a lesson from 1 Peter about being "foreigners in a strange land" or the instruction from 2 Timothy to not become "entangled in civilian pursuits." Regardless, something was lost in translation between her theologically sound instruction and my hyper-imaginative interpretation.

The problem with this is that the same little girl in a trench coat and sunglasses, eager to dart in and out with the secret message about who Jesus is, didn't understand that that no one was telling her to hide who she was or to hide the message she had been given. I spent a substantial amount of my jr. high and high school years waiting for someone to come ask me about the message I had for them, but no one ever seemed to come. I was doing far too good of a job disguising myself "for the sake of the mission." After all, no one would ever want to hear what the overly outspoken Christian had to say, right? So I did my best to live undercover figuring someday someone would see through the civilian disguise and ask me about my true identity.

The fact is that my high school friends didn't need an undercover Christian, nor were they in any position to be expected to see past my civilian disguise. They needed someone they could go to when things got really bad. They needed a beacon of hope who could point them toward dry land in the midst of the storm. My friends needed to know that there was something different about me that was available to them too, and that they could ask me about it and I would share the not-so-secret secret.

The fact is that my friends now don't need an undercover Christian, either. Neither do yours. The chances are slim that if you continue to go about your day-to-day routine (which looks no different than the routine of your co-workers or peers) no one is going to come up to you in the office and ask what is different about you, because the answer will be nothing. What both my friends and your friends need are men and women who stand like a tower in the midst of the battle offering a place of refuge from the crossfire. What our friends need are men and women who stick out like sore thumbs, offering a reason for the hope we have to all who have need of hope. What our friends need are uncovered, out in the open, followers of Christ who reflect the image of him who has called us according to our purpose.

Friends, our friends are hurting; our culture is pained; our world needs answers. Now is not the time for undercover Christianity.

Preaching the Gospel in our Ice Bucket Culture

Oh, the controversial Ice Bucket Challenge. If you haven't seen it or heard it, chances are you live under a rock since almost every avenue of social media has been inundated with this new fad. For the sake of all the rock dwellers reading this right now, let me catch you up to speed. The Ice Bucket Challenge is a campaign started by the ALS association that has brought in $31.5 million for research on amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Basically, participants are challenged and in return, challenge others to dump a bucket of ice water over their heads in order to raise funds and awareness for the ALS association. If the person challenged does not fulfill their "obligation," they are expected to make a payment to the association. Contrary to your probable first thought, this post isn't going to be my battle cry to support the ALS association (though I am glad there are people passionate about finding a cure to this debilitating decease), nor is it going to be my annoyed opposition to this unusual campaign (though I did have trouble getting ice out of the overly exhausted ice machine on campus this morning). This post is going to be about what our culture subconsciously tells us through this new fad about how to best reach them where they are with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. First, let's look at what this challenge tells us about our society as a whole.

1. We all want to be a part of something that matters.

How many of us really thought about ALS before the Ice Bucket Challenge? Unless you or a family member suffer from this disease, the chances are it took you a google search to discover what ALS even stood for. As soon as you heard, though, that you had the opportunity to raise awareness for something that really mattered, you jumped on board the train. Why? Because we all want to be difference makers and belong to something significant.

2. We value community and connection.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has spread like wildfire thanks to the fact that every person who takes the challenge, in turn, challenges another person. I've seen videos posted from friends in my hometown (pop. 19,000), and I have seen videos posted from former Pres. Bush and celebrity Anna Kendrick. Have my friends ever met Pres. Bush or Anna Kendrick? Not that I know of. Yet there is a sense of connection that comes from being part of this chain of challenges that causes one to feel like they are a part of a larger community of "ALS supporters" worldwide.

3. We are challenge acceptors.

When someone calls you out in their video recording of their Ice Bucket Challenge and tells you to either follow suit or pay up, you haven't entered some kind of covenant agreement with that person. You are technically under no obligation whatsoever to even consider doing what they asked. However, clearly people are accepting the challenge more often than not, because I can't even scroll through my news feed without seeing someone doused in water every other status update. We live in a society that is very willing to live up to someone's challenge whether it be for the sake of pride or for the sake of the other person's satisfaction.

These are just three of the social norms that I have seen emerge in the midst of this new trend. So, what do these three statements tell us about how to reach people with the Gospel? Well, we established that people ARE looking to be a part of something that matters. Realistically, only the Gospel can truly satisfy this search. What matters more? Something temporary or something eternal? What else is eternal besides the Kingdom of God? Instead of banging Bibles over the heads of people in our lives who have found themselves in a jam because they became a part of the wrong "something" in their effort to matter, why don't we try inviting them to join us instead? People DO very much value community and connection. Instead of being exclusively wrapped up within our own little circles of faith, let's show the world that they matter to God just as much as we do and that they have a place among his people as well… regardless of who they are. We ARE challenge acceptors. What could be more exciting that accepting the challenge to lay down one's life in a pursuit of Life himself. Christianity isn't supposed to be a boring ferry ride from point A to point B. Christianity is a wild adventure that brings new life and joy and excitement with each coming morning. How about challenging your friend to embark on that journey rather than experiment with the effects of hypothermia for the sake of a cause we could all just afford to donate some extra money to anyways? Let us be learners of our culture, followers of Jesus, and lovers of people. Challenge accepted?