Dear __________,

Dear _________,

I don't know how else to relay this message to you other than through this blog post because I simply don't know who you are. Maybe I know you better than I think I do, maybe you are more than one person, or maybe you live on the other side of the ocean. Either way, I want to share with you something that the Lord showed me in a very sweet moment with him that I think is for you, too. Maybe you will find a meaning in it that goes deeper or in a different direction than the one I found, but I pray that you would allow the Lord to show himself to you regardless. I know that for me, my heart has been branded.

As I was talking to the Lord on my way to take a final exam yesterday, my prayer sounded something like this... "Lord, I could pray about so many things right now. I could ask for help on a test or answers to all of these questions in my life, or I could request a word from you concerning the state of my heart; but I would just like for you to show me what is on YOUR heart today. What do you want to say to me without me having to ask?"

The Lord gave me this vision…

It was what looked like a scene from the movie The Impossible. A huge tsunami had come ashore and was rapidly clearing the streets of every unrooted thing. Out of nowhere, I noticed a vine hanging down from the top of the skyline that I was able to grip onto in order to keep from being swept away. The torrent seemed to last for hours and I became frightened that nothing besides myself would remain at the end of the day. There was no one left as far as I could see who had kept their head above the water. I was convinced that I had been left the sole survivor of an unexpected disaster. Slowly, the water began to recede and and I saw that there were, in fact, a few things left standing in the middle of the road. Some of them were people, but other things were simply pillars that I had not seen standing there before. They had been covered by the flood, but had either managed to root themselves in the street or find vines of their own to cling to.

This is what the Lord said: Hold onto me as the flood waters rise; cling to me with everything you have. Every thing that is not worthy of remaining will be swept away, but the few things that prove themselves to be rooted will remain. You will not be left on your own, simply hold on and allow me to finish my process. I know it looks like nothing is going to be left standing at the end of the day, but you cannot see what I see. You don't see the refinement that is happening beneath the flood waters.

I can't explain to you in words how deeply this spoke to me in my present season. The magnitude of this revelation in my heart is something that will only ever be known between my Father and I, and that's okay. Whoever you are reading this that needed to hear these words from the Lord, take them and etch them into your very being. Hold onto them and don't let go of them for anything. I am praying for you even now that you would cling to the vine, grow your roots down deep, and be found stronger at the end of this season.

I Am For You

I am afraid two blogs in two days might be overkill, so I will keep this one very short and very simple. I wrestled to even write this down anywhere but in my own journal, but I don't want someone to miss out on something that might not just be for me. If it is just for the sake of one more to hear Jesus speaking today, let me open my heart to you all again.

I woke up this morning at 6am. That would be totally normal for some people, but I am junior in college and we tend not to do much before 8 in the morning especially during dead week. My eyes popped open and I instantly felt overwhelmed by the day at hand. I knew I had some hard things to face and I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and face it all over again in two hours. My body wouldn't let me.

I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. If you read my blog yesterday, you know that the shower usually signifies a Jesus meeting, but I felt so heavy hearted I didn't want to let my walls down. I felt myself pulling my heart further inside of me in an attempt not to turn it over for the daily examination, but I know better than to run from Jesus.

I got ready as quickly as I could, packed my bag, and headed for the prayer tower here at ORU. I had a final, work, and a lot of uncomfortable situations ahead of me, but I could hear Jesus calling. I spent about an hour downstairs sobbing as I let Jesus chisel away at my walls and restore pieces of my heart, and let me tell you… It hurt. It always hurts when Jesus is removing barriers, but the reward is always so sweet.

The upstairs of the prayer tower has been reconstructed over the years as a type of guided "prayer journey" for students and visitors to walk around and listen for the voice of God. It maybe sounds a bit spooky to you, but all it is really is excerpts from Oral Robert's book on how to hear from God painted on the walls as you walk the circle overlooking the campus. I have only been up there one time in all my time as a student here at ORU, but this morning, it sounded like a good idea. I went up and walked the circle paying no attention to the words on the walls. As I was about to go back down, a still small voice prompted me to walk it again and really listen. I was clinging to words God had spoken yesterday and the day before, but I needed to hear him today. I needed to know what he was saying to me.

I got to the second excerpt from the book painted on the wall, when Jesus whispered "I am with you." I said thanks to Jesus because he was speaking directly to a fear I had been facing and that was awesome, but he had already told me that yesterday (major heart check needed! I want the voice of Jesus to always shake me to my core no matter what he says!) I kept walking when all of a sudden Jesus whispered, "Not only am I WITH you but I am FOR you." I totally lost it. I thought I had no tears left after the first hour in there… I was wrong. He started speaking to me that not only does he walk beside me, but he walks ahead of me, fighting for me, making a way for me, orchestrating events and circumstances for my good, working out the minute details of my life.

That is MIND BLOWING to me!! The creator of the universe who I have been created for, is for me! Why?! It makes no sense! He could choose to be a God that sits on his throne solely absorbing the praises of his people, but he chooses to get his hands dirty. He chooses to work in us and through us and for us. WHAT. PLEASE HEAR ME! God is not only with you, he is FOR you. He proved it when he took the cross and tore the veil making a way for you to come to him. Don't for a second doubt his faithfulness or his love for you, that he would turn the whole world upside down for the sake of one of his kids. I don't know what you're facing. I may not even know you, but I know God is FOR you. So rise up, friend, out of the ashes and the fear and doubt, and take a hold of the promises and call of God on your life. Use your every breath to sing of his mercy and love and faithfulness.

Showers, Sympathy, and Suffering

I will admit it up front… The title of this post is entirely random. I had to call it something or it wouldn't let me post it, but MAYBE by the time you get to the end of this blog you will see where I was coming from. By the time you read this, I will most likely have written and rewritten it half a dozen times. Partially because this is my process, but mostly because I have so many things I want to say and no idea how I am going to tie them all together, if it is even possible. Please, please stick with me faithful friends.

I have a lot of my most intimate times with Jesus in the shower. I don't know if it is because that is one of the few places I find myself during the day that I am not totally distracted, or if it is because I'm in there in the morning when I am still waking up and ready to listen, but that's where Jesus and I like to spend a lot of quality time. Sometimes I stand there and am moved to tears because of the things Jesus is speaking to my heart, and I am totally okay with it because my face will be dripping wet when I get out anyways. Why am I sharing this awkward, private information with you? Not just to be so weird, but because I want to be able to convey to you the significance of a moment that I experienced a while back that Jesus has so gently been reminding me of lately.

One September morning, I was in the shower praying when I felt something click on the inside of me. My "Jesus have this day and make it yours" prayer turned into something a little deeper and more bold than usual. I remember praying this, "Father, my whole life is here in your hands. My prayer is that you would use me however you desire to get the most glory. If that looks like suffering loss so that my life can be a testimony of your restoration, may I have nothing left at the end of the day. If that means journeying with you through some dark moments so that people can see you as comfort, may I be willing to take your hand and go quickly for the sake of your Kingdom. If that means you allow me to face bumps, and roadblocks, and obstacles so that my life can be a testimony of your sweet presence in the midst of it all, strip away every comfort."

Let no one mistake me sharing this as some kind of flaunting of my spiritual strength. Literally two seconds after this prayer I panicked and said, "I'm just kidding. I take it all back." In that moment of Holy Spirit empowered boldness, I had meant what I said with everything in me. I had offered myself up as a willing, living sacrifice, and then I had a glimpse of what that might mean and I wimped out. The Lord knew and knows that this is my heart, though, and in some really tiny, bite-sized pieces, he has fulfilled this prayer I prayed in the shower in September.

Pause. We need to take a quick detour for a second and then I promise to tie everything together in the end, hopefully. Let me explain to you quickly the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is understanding what others have experienced because you have experienced it for yourself and can put yourself in their shoes.

Sympathy is acknowledging another's hardships and providing comfort and assurance.

When you are facing a diagnosis, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will tell you all kinds of things to make you feel better, and you will probably be left feeling worse at the end of it all. Empathetic people will be there to walk you through it with the testimony that they have been there and are still alive to tell the story. When you lose someone you love dearly, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will bake casseroles and offer hugs, but empathetic people carry the scars to prove that healing will come to your heart someday.

Here comes the connection, we are almost there. These past three weeks of my life have been really, really hard in more ways than most people could understand. I have felt more pain physically, mentally, and emotionally than I thought you could feel all at once without cracking. It has not been an enjoyable period of time for me in any way, shape, or form. At first, I did not handle any of the things I was experiencing well at all. I was slowly starting to unravel, growing more weary by the day, until Jesus started picking up the pieces behind me. I have felt hurtful things I have never felt before and watched fears I didn't even know I had come to life before my eyes, AND I WOULD GLADLY DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. (I typed that in caps so both you and the enemy who has been waging war against me this whole time would get the point.) I have found true, life-giving joy in this suffering. Why? Because when Jesus leads someone in my direction who is experiencing severe physical pain, I can tell them that I have been there and that He is holding my hand as he desires to hold theirs. When someone shows up on my doorstep with heartache, I can welcome them in and tell them about my God who restores every broken piece of a shredded heart. When someone walks up to me in the grocery store even years from now who is dealing with both simultaneously, I can tell them about Jesus who is their hope for the redemption of it all. I don't want to be sympathetic. Sympathy does not make anything better. I want to be a faithful friend who is willing to walk the distance to see another restored.

My prayer for my own healing lately has changed a bit in light of this revelation. I was praying three weeks ago, "Jesus! Please hurry and take the pain away. I can't function!" But I have realized since then that I can function. I do not doubt for a moment that Jesus can and wants to heal me, but I am okay with him doing that whenever he should choose so that the maximum amount of people can see him do it. If my suffering can last a day, month, or year longer for the sake of someone else coming to know my Jesus, let me suffer with joy in my heart and all over my face.

Final thought: I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday about a major health crisis she is facing. Her suffering is in so many ways much greater than the one I have experienced. She told me that every time she gets ready to get up and share her story, she gets hit even harder with her illness and all the symptoms that come along with it. The enemy real, friends. He knows human nature-- that we will let ourselves become dulled to the point that we stop going the distance or standing up to speak because we expect more pain to follow. That is fear. My friend is not allowing that fear to steal her story, and neither will I, and neither should you. There is a world who needs overcomers, people who have been through the fire and come out on the other side, so that they may know the hope that is theirs in Christ Jesus. Would WE be so bold as to be those people.

Unexpected Lessons Part 2

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog from my hospital bed called Unexpected Lessons (if you've never read it, you can find it here). I wrote about the lessons that I was learning in the midst of a very uncomfortable time of my life when my health had taken an unexpected turn for the worst, and I was battling a serious infection in my body called pseudomonas. A month after that blog was written, I found myself in the heart of Peru doing my very favorite thing, preaching the Gospel. Jesus had used an intense stream of antibiotics to fully wipe out the infection and I was allowed to travel to my favorite place on earth and introduce many people to my Jesus. While in Peru, I became very sick. Thinking it was a relapse of the pseudomonas and after a near collapse in the middle of Lima, I was taken to a hospital nearby where a very capable Peruvian physician found a stone in my gallbladder that was dangerously close to entering my liver. I flew home with my team a week later and had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder along with the stone, then I left for ORU two weeks later.

Since I arrived at ORU a year and a half ago, I have been blessed with great health. I have not had any relapses of the pseudomonas nor have I had any major issues as a result of my cholecystectomy. A little over a week ago, another opportunity for unexpected lessons appeared in the form of neuropathy. I went to sleep Wednesday night feeling like I had lost circulation in my feet and legs. I figured I had just gotten overly chilled in the freezing Tulsa weather, and my feet and legs were warming up a little slower than usual. Thursday morning I woke up and I felt like I had fallen asleep in a colony of fire ants. The pain in my feet and legs brought me to tears and I only fought my way through two classes before I had to go to Urgent Care to hopefully get a little relief. They told me there that they were clueless as to what could be going on in someone of my age and my health, prescribed some steroids probably just to make me feel better in my own mind, and sent me home. By 7pm that night, we were on our way to the emergency room with sever pain in my legs and up my back. After a long, LONG night, I was sent home on pain medication with a diagnosis of neuropathy.

Neuropathy is common in diabetics, alcoholics, people over the age of 70, or people exposed to toxins. I have low blood sugar, never consume alcohol, am a young 20 years of age, and tested negative for toxins in my system. The doctor recognized all of these factors and decided the best thing they could do would be to medicate my pain and continue to refer me out until someone could determine what was wrong with me. After a doctor's appointment this past Tuesday in which I tried to explain to the doctor that my pain was not improving, not much has changed in respect to earthly answers. She looked me over, ran a couple of basic tests, scratched her head, referred me to a neurologist, and prescribed me a new medication used to treat the basic symptoms of neuropathy. This new medication might be my biggest road block right now, as I fight to write this blog in complete sentences without losing my train of thought or coming up short for words. I am exchanging a few levels of pain for a serious brain freeze while my brain adjusts to the neurological effects of the medication.

Before you write me off as totally helpless or write this blog off as super depressing, let me just say that I didn't give you a rundown of my medical history in order that one of you could hopefully diagnose me, find a cure, or feel really, really sorry for me! Jesus is already working to heal me, and sympathy could be better redirected to people who are suffering a million times worse than I have been. I am not discouraged, frightened, frustrated, or feeling hopeless in any sense. I write this post with a smile on my face because I am about to share with you everything that I have been learning lately.

1. Jesus is always good. Seriously friends! Never do I know Jesus to be more of a healer, more faithful, or more beautiful than in times like these. I am so thankful for the opportunity to deal with hard things because they always reaffirm who I have believed Jesus to be all along. When I wake up in the morning and I just can't get my mind to wake up because of the medication, Jesus reminds me that he is renewing my mind and I get so much more accomplished that day than I could have on my own. When I take a few steps and feel the fire ants in my feet, Jesus carries me further than I could have gone on my own. When I feel like no one quite gets what is going on or that I will never get any answers, Jesus reminds me that he knows pain more deeply than I ever will and that nothing is hidden from him.

2. Job was onto something. I am not in any way comparing my trials to those of Job. Job had it really, really bad. He lost everything, and all I have lost is a little physical comfort and a little brain power for a temporary period of time. However, Job did something that I am training myself in these moments to do-- praising God just because He's God and He deserves it anyways. If I look at myself too long, like Job I am faced with the temptation of questioning in my heart God's goodness, but if I cast my eyes on the face of Jesus, I can keep worshiping my way through it all.

3. Nothing is forever. I don't plan on suffering for forever. I really do believe the end to this whole episode is in the very near future. But even if it wasn't, I know it's not going to last forever. At the end of my life I will stand before God and the pain and struggle won't even be a distant memory in my mind. Nothing is forever.

4. Tiny problems can cause a lot of damage, so care for the small things. Let me tell you about nerves for a second. They're usually quiet, unconsidered by their owners, and faithful to do their intended duties. However, if something goes remotely wrong with them, pain is on its way. If you do not take care of your body or you put yourself at risk in some known or unknown way of damaging your nerves, you are going to pay for it later. It's a lot like the "small things" in our walk with Jesus. There are so many things that go unconsidered: quality time in the presence of God, faithfulness and discipline to train our hearts and minds in the Word, or the fulfillment of our purpose on a daily basis. These things can go on neglected, but not for long before the pain comes. We must be careful to care for even the smallest aspects of our spiritual lives so that we can be whole and complete lacking nothing.

Dear friends, thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. You all have been the hands, feet, and mouth piece of Jesus in a very precious time of my life. Grace and peace to every one of you. 

The World's Worst Marketing Campaign

I don't claim to be an expert in the field of marketing, but I am pretty sure there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Actually, I KNOW there is a right way and wrong way to do it because every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I roll out of bed and sit in Principles of Marketing for an hour learning the difference.

There are four components that play a part in effective marketing-- product, price, placement, and promotion (I just typed that by memory, someone tell my prof I deserve an A). Product is what the consumer can expect to receive in exchange for a resource of equal value, usually currency; price is the monetary value placed on the product based on what a consumer is willing to hand over in exchange for that product; place has to do with where the product can be found, whether its on a specific shelf in a certain store, or on a specific page on a certain website; and promotion has to do with making the consumer aware of the product and creating a desire within the consumer to obtain it.

When getting ready to promote a product or service, companies spend thousands if not millions of dollars researching their consumers so that they know exactly what to say and how to say it in order to secure a sale. If their customers want fun, they're going to make their product sound fun. If their customers want prestige, they're going to make their product seem prestigious. If their customers want efficient, they're going to bend their campaign as much as possible to present their product as efficient.

If this is what defines a good marketing campaign, then it is safe to say that God is not interested in the business of marketing. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this, "When Christ calls a man he bids him come and die." Literally the worst marketing campaign ever. Here's Jesus saying"Follow me! But first, give up everything you have, all your hopes, dreams, plans, and ambitions, and pick up your cross." I can only imagine what the disciples were thinking standing beside Jesus as these words escaped his mouth. Peter, always a bit quick to offer his advice, probably wanted to whisper something into his ear along the lines of, "Hey Jesus, I'm sure you know what you're doing but let me just throw something out there. Instead of saying 'come and die' maybe you could highlight some of the benefits of being your disciple. You're going to kill our head count in the weekly attendance report if you don't change your approach a bit."

Had Jesus been concerned about changing his approach, had he said anything less than "come and die," he would have been untrue to his own Gospel message. In the United States of America, we have done with the Gospel what we have done with everything else- made it about us… tailored it to fit our wants and needs. The Gospel has never been about being the best you that you can be. It has always been about the fact that at our very worst moment, when we were drowning in our humanity, God humbled himself, became a man, died a horrible death on the cross, and three days later rose from the grave conquering death once and for all. It has always been about believing in Jesus' finished work on the cross, dying to ourselves, and repositioning him on the throne of our hearts.

Sorry to burst some bubbles, but if you are living a comfortable life, never sacrificing yourself for the sake of the Kingdom of God, never exiting your comfort zone to introduce a stranger to Jesus, never speaking loudly enough of your faith to have someone reprimand you for it, you probably aren't carrying your cross like Jesus. I'm guilty of it, too. Not many of us reading this will ever experience literally losing our lives for the sake of following Christ. For our brothers and sisters around the world, however, this is what following Christ means. It means no more family gatherings because family has disowned them. It means no more education, because education in many areas is not offered to a professing believer in Christ. It means no freedom of worship, no job, no home, and often times no life.

Though we may not experience physical death here in the United States, though you reading this overseas may not experience physical death in your nation that is still open to the Gospel, let us embrace wholeheartedly a death to ourselves. Let us be willing to go when he says 'go.' Let us be willing to give up the things we cling to when he says 'open your hand.' Let us live our lives for the one who gave his life for us willing to follow his call to come and die. Amen.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"He loves me… he loves me not…" This phrase signifies the death of flowers everywhere as petals fall to the ground carrying with them the hopes and dreams of a little second grade girl who wonders if she has found her Prince Charming. It's a silly game that is played by our daughters, our students, and our little sisters that ends only when one petal remains signifying if the object of her affection does or does not reciprocate her "love."I chuckle at the thought of a little girl on the playground in distress because the final petal landed on "he loves me not" indicating to her that all hope is lost. I chuckle again as she picks up a handful of new flowers to try again and again until the last petal lands on "he loves me."

I played this game far too many times as a child. Unfortunately, I still play it to this day.

I hold in my hands all of my deeds and as I drop each one to the ground, I determine if He loves me or if He loves me not. Obviously, the He I am talking about is Jesus. I was kind to a stranger today… He loves me. I snapped at a friend out of impatience… He loves me not. I spent my afternoon praying and reading the Word… He loves me. I sinned again… He loves me not. I know this game makes just about much sense as the version I played in elementary school, yet I still have the tendency to play it from time to time on an off day. I forget or I choose to ignore the fact that His love for me is not contingent on what I have or have not done, but rather on the fact that He chooses to love me regardless. Do you or I deserve the love He chooses to pour out on us? Absolutely not. We are fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any more that the man who sits behind bars for murdering his child. We are also fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any less than our pastor who spoke so eloquently on Sunday. 

It is by the grace of God, God's unmerited, unearned favor, that we have the opportunity to sit under the fountain of his love and drink deeply from it. My goodness does not gain me that access, nor does my sin revoke that access. Today these words from 1 John bounce around in the walls of my heart: 

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we many have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in the world. there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

I don't think I am the only one who needed the reminder today that God's love for me is more sure than anything in my life. Nothing, NOTHING, you or I could ever do will make God stop loving us. If you don't believe me, go read it for yourself here, and then go forward in the grace and peace of God.

If you are reading this and you have never experienced the love of God before, or you aren't sure what all of this Jesus stuff has to do with you anyways, please leave a comment below or send me an email to the address provided in my bio. I would love to introduce the two of you.

If The Gospel Was Ebola

Ebola. No one was talking about it before February 2014; everyone been talking about it since. I don't think I could tell you how long its been since I went a whole day without seeing it on the news, reading about it on my social media feed, or hearing it escape the lips of a stranger on the sidewalk. People are either A) panicking B) complaining C) developing conspiracy theories or D) creating memes making fun of options A, B, and C.

This blog is not my two cents on this epidemic, though I would like to ask everyone to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that ebola did not throw Jesus off his throne. I am intrigued, however, by the reaction of so many people and the news being spread about this virus. When you google ebola, you will see the following results (I can't help but read these headlines in the voice of our local newscaster who has a way of making everything seem so much more epic than it really is):

Ebola in America: Has the Fever Broken?

Signs and Symptoms: Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever

What We Are Afraid to Say About Ebola

Ebola Outbreak: What You Need to Know NOW

The bottom line is that people want to know what it is that everyone else is talking about and they want to know if they should concern themselves with it as well. What if the Gospel was ebola? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing its effects on the news? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing it preached on my news feed? What if I heard it pouring out of the mouths of strangers as I passed them on the sidewalk? What if people wanted to know what it is that Christians can't stop talking about and what if they started asking themselves if it should be a part of their lives, too?

Unfortunately, we seem to talk a lot more ebola than Gospel. I've never seen a headline that read "Signs and Symptoms: the Gospel is Taking Over" or "The Gospel: What You Need to Know Now." It saddens my heart that I haven't seen a headline that says "The Gospel in America: The Power of Sin Broken" or "The Gospel in America: Lives are Being Restored."Why aren't these the normal banners on the 5 o'clock news? Somewhere along the way, we have stopped letting our experience with the Gospel be contagious; and so it doesn't spread to our community or across borders, it settles inside of us and sometimes people don't even know we have been infected.

I want the name of Jesus to be as famous in the eyes of the world as the word "ebola." The truth is, it probably isn't these days. People can't keep their opinions about ebola to themselves, but they have no problem keeping quiet about Jesus. That's totally weird to me. There is nothing more powerful, more cataclysmic, more radical, more life-altering than the Gospel. Let's start being a little louder about it until people are seeking Jesus more than they are unreliable facts about ebola.