I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I couldn't sleep last night and it was hard to eat this morning. All I want to do is stare out this window and watch the rain roll down the glass. I'm suffering from a broken heart. I haven't lost a family member, I don't have any fewer friends today than I did yesterday, and I haven't gone through a breakup. I'm experiencing the cost of following Jesus.
Following Jesus is without a question the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Everything good about me is a result of this decision. There has not been a single day since the beginning of my journey that I have said "I wish I had kept living my own way." Nothing compares to abiding in His presence and resting in his love all the days of my life. But there is a cost.
For some people, the cost of following Jesus looks like a lifestyle change. They have to choose to lay down their worldly desires and abandon everything that previously consumed their time and energy. For some people, the cost of following Jesus looks like the giving away of possessions that previously possessed the heart of their owner. For me, in this season, the cost of following Jesus looks like a broken heart.
My heart is burdened for the world. My heart is burdened for my friends. My heart is burdened for the little girl who woke up this morning with an empty stomach that will remain empty until she falls asleep on the floor tonight. My heart is burdened for the man who woke up this morning clinging so tightly to the things of this world that he cannot see his need for a Savior. My heart is burdened for a church that cares more about seating assignments than reaching out to the hurting people in their community. My heart is burdened for the people who have never been reached with the word of God. My heart is burdened for the people who have been reached but who have not understood.
But from my heavy, broken heart flows my most passionate prayers. From this state of heaviness and brokenness, I most fully experience freedom and peace. In the moments of crying out in anguish on behalf of people I have never even met, I encounter God with the greatest joy. With Jesus, the cost becomes the greatest reward.
