Happy New Year!

While the rest of the world counts down the days until January 1st to celebrate new beginnings and fresh starts, every college student counts down the days until their last final of the year. As excited as I was to see that ball drop four months ago and to celebrate with my family and friends, I am ten times more excited to see my dorm room in boxes and campus slowly emptying itself of students. All day I have been scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed to see countless friends posting statuses including "#summer" or "#graduation"-- the college equivalent of our junior high yearbook tagline: "HAGS." If you don't know what I'm referring to, you obviously weren't a 90's kid.

I walked out of my last final today with the hugest feeling of relief I have ever had. This year has possibly been one of the most stretching of my life. As I made my way back to the dorm, I couldn't help but laugh as I thought about who and where I am today compared to who and where I was in August. I also couldn't help but think about who I have learned that Jesus is compared to who I thought he was nine months ago. It is a funny moment when you sit back and notice for the first time what Jesus has done in a certain season, and then compare it to what you expected him to do. Rarely ever do our expectations look anything like his reality.

In a lot of ways, this past year served as a fiery furnace, incinerating everything on the inside of me in the best and worst ways possible. Between the first of August and this moment here and now, I have battled one of the most annoying, persistent physical ailments I have experienced in my life. Between the first of August and now, almost every single relationship in my life has changed entirely. Between the first of August and now, I watched my friends enter new seasons apart from me, and welcomed new friends into my season that I never expected. Between the first of August and now, my heart has been gripped by the understanding of what I was created for in the most painful way possible. Between the first of August and now, I have watched too many people walk away from Jesus, but so many people run towards him. Between the first of August and now, I have experienced Jesus like I never knew him before.

I am grateful for the days that ended in tears, because Jesus met me there. I am grateful for the days that lasted long into the night, because that's where I heard him speak. I am grateful for the days where laughter made it impossible to breathe, because Jesus poured out joy like only he can do. I am grateful for every failure, because I learned that his grace is sufficient in my weakness. I am grateful for every victory, because I saw the hand of my savior.

It's weird walking into a new season and realizing that everything is different on the inside of me though my surroundings will look the same. It's strange not to be worried about what is next for the first time in my life because I finally have an understanding that Jesus is big enough to take care of my tomorrow. It's fun to be excited about the small things I have gotten a glimpse of on the horizon. It's beautiful to be free from bondage to people and enslaved to the call of Christ on my life. I kind of feel like walking out of this coffee shop and shouting "Happy New Year!" as I pass the strangers on the street. Oh that everyone would know the beauty of walking into new seasons with Jesus.

Believe it or not, I didn't just write this post to verbally process what's going on in my heart, though I am grateful for the opportunity to do so. I wrote this post because I know there are other people who need a New Year four months into this one. The good news is that there is no such thing as a season that lasts forever. If you feel as though you are passing through the fire, take heart because the fires don't last for forever. If you feel as though you are walking through the valley, be of good cheer because there's someone who would gladly take that walk with you. Embrace the incinerator because after the refining comes the new season. Your surroundings may not change, but the season of your heart has the potential to change in any moment. Seek him with all you've got friends. Life is a beautiful thing even in the muddiest moments.

Disconnected

While I was home over Spring Break, I had the opportunity to grab coffee with one of my oldest friends. It was so refreshing to sit and talk about what the Lord is doing here in these seasons of our lives, to reflect on where we have been, and to dream about where we are going. As my friend caught me up on everything going on back home, one thing she told me really caught my attention. On Wednesday nights, our staff and volunteers have been doing Youth Alpha with our high school students. Youth Alpha is designed to spark questions and create discussion among the students about the core beliefs of Christianity. As my two friends sat down leading their group of high school sophomores, one student spoke up and said something like this, "God is like the wifi. I want to know him, but I don't have the password." What a profound statement out of the mouth of this fifteen year old kid.

What he was articulating in that moment, maybe more clearly that any other student I have ever heard, was the disconnect he was feeling between himself and his creator. He wasn't struggling with the idea of God, he wasn't battling to accept the existence of God, he was losing the fight to find himself connected with God. This is the reality for every person who has never accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. They may believe in God, they may know he's real and want to see what he is doing, but they don't have the access required to be a part of it. We've all sat in coffee shops or friends' living rooms and tried unsuccessfully to guess the password to the highly coveted, free wifi. Very rarely have I been successful in doing so. People riddle their passwords with capital letters and numbers of seemingly no significance making it impossible for me to know what it is without getting up and asking. God didn't complicate things, though. He didn't create some long, impossible to remember password, and he doesn't keep it hidden where his houseguests can't find it. He simply humbled himself, became a man, took my place on the cross, and overcame death so that I could type in "Jesus" next to "password" and have access to the Father.

We don't have to live disconnected. If I'm honest, though, somedays I feel like my connection is pretty slow. Some days, I go into my network preferences and start typing in alternative passwords. I try things like "personal achievements" or "relationships" or "self-gratification" or "good intentions" and then I find myself in the middle of weeks like this one and it feels like I'm back on dial-up. You remember those days, right? Only one person can use the internet at a time, if I'm on the internet then you can't use the phone, it takes a solid 5 minutes to even get onto your home page, and good luck googling anything really quick because it just isn't going to happen. I get frustrated and want to throw my laptop across the floor, but the whole thing could be solved if I would just stop trying to fix what isn't broken. I get frustrated and want to lie down and give up, but the whole thing could be solved if I would just stop trying to substitute things for Jesus.