So, what are your big plans after college?
Well, I'm moving to Tulsa and finding a job here.
Oh, your family is all moving to Tulsa?
Nope, just me.
All by yourself? Do you at least have a roommate?
Nope, just me.
That's scary! Well, good luck with that.
I can't tell you how many times in the past few weeks since I decided to move to Oklahoma that I have heard the phrase "by yourself." It's usually accompanied by the phrase "that's scary," or with a simple "oh" and a concerned look on someone's face.
When we were little, "all by yourself" was an exciting thing. We celebrated riding a bike all by ourselves, going to Kindergarten all by ourselves, and getting dressed all by ourselves. We rejected help from our moms and dads just so we could say, "I did it all by myself!" Something has changed since then. What used to be exciting is now frightening. Why? We are scared of being alone.
I don't particularly enjoy being alone. I like to take an occasional hike by myself or a trip to the coffee shop to work by myself, but that's about all I can handle. I thrive when I am around people. It is part of my wiring. God made me to love being around others, and it brings me great joy and great energy. The idea of going home to an empty apartment everyday freaks me out just a little bit, and I'm already wondering which neighbors I can become best friends with (so far the elderly lady next door with the two attack dogs seems most promising).
The perception is that I am a 22-year-old girl alone in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The reality, however, is that I am not alone. I am not all by myself. First of all, I have friends and I will make friends. It may not happen right away, but I have a solid community of people here in Tulsa, and Jesus is already working on my behalf. Second of all, even if I never met a single person or if all my remaining friends left, Jesus has made it clear that I will never walk alone.
In John 16, as Jesus is getting ready to leave, he tells his disciples:
I didn't tell you this earlier because I was with you every day. But now I am on my way to the One who sent me. Not one of you has asked, "Where are you going? Instead, the longer I've talked, the sadder you've become. So let me say it again, this truth: It's better for you that I leave. If I don't leave, the Friend won't come. But if I go, I'll send him to you.
I can't imagine what it must have been like for Jesus' disciples to hear him say that he was leaving. I can almost feel the panic that ensued when they realized this wasn't just a joke. I also can't imagine that it would have been very easy to hold on to his promise of "the friend" not understanding what Jesus was saying. Were I there, I would have said, "but Jesus, I don't want another friend. I want you!" On the other side of it, however, we see what a gift the disciples were really getting... what a gift we were really getting. The Holy Spirit was on his way, and he was coming for good.
The Bible tells me that he will never leave me nor forsake me. It tells me that the Lord himself goes before me. It tells me that he will provide for me. It tells me that he sees my heart and he knows what I need before I even say a word. That doesn't sound like "all by myself" to me. That sounds like a pretty great team. Me and Jesus in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I think we are going to be just fine.
