No Fear In Love

Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you love someone you give them the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."

"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself in to the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?"

She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."

"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain, too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant." 

-Hinds Feet on High Places

There is something we all learned as a child without anyone having to teach us. I learned this lesson, personally, from a bad experience jumping on the bed. I was in my parents room one day when my dad walked in to find me bouncing around on the center of their mattress. "Don't jump on the bed, Lex," he said. I remember giggling at his caution as I unknowingly edged closer to the head board. "Lex, don't jump on the bed." Another laugh escaped my mouth. "Lex..." Then it happened: boing, boing, thud. I tripped, of course, and landed head first right on the edge of the wooden table at the head of their bed. Laughter turned into tears in the same way that gash has turned into a permanent scar in the middle of my forehead. I said to myself as I exited their bedroom that morning, "I'm NEVER jumping on that bed again." I made a promise to myself that I would never do something that had caused me pain. It was an inner vow that I believed would protect me from my bad experience. A vow never to jump on the bed again doesn't seem too dangerous. The other inner vows we have learned to make, however, are a problem.

More times than not, I have been wounded by people that I loved deeply. It happens to all of us. Just like Much-Afraid in Hannah Hurnard's Hinds Feet on High Places, we recognize that love gives someone else the power to hurt and pain us in a way nothing else can. After multiple times of being burned by those we loved, we face the temptation to say, "I'm NEVER doing that again." So the next time we have the opportunity to love, we shrink back in fear of that love being unreciprocated. The thing about true love, however, is that it "does not think that [pain] very significant." This is a hard statement for me to swallow sometimes. As a human being, and probably more so as a young female, I count the threat of emotional pain very significant. I don't want to get hurt, but then again, who really does? I feel Jesus telling me to love without restraint, but something inside of me cringes and says, "Please don't do this to me again, Alexis." I ultimately have a choice between love and self-preservation.

Many times when I tell people what I want to do with my life their first response is literally, "I hope you're prepared to get burnt." First of all, that's not exactly the encouragement I was hoping for. Second of all, I know they're right. I know that because of what God has called me to do and who he has called me to do it for, I am going to live a life in which the people I sacrifice everything for walk out on me. I know that out of all those I pray for daily, some of them are going to reject my love. I know that some of the families I take in, and some of the children I help raise, are never going to say thank you. Some are going to turn their backs on me. It is human nature. Hurt people hurt people and God has called me for hurt people. So what am I going to do? Am I going to sit at home all day and read self-help books between inspirational Lifetime movies? I could. It would sure be a lot less risky.

But I won't. Tonight, in a barn in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma, I remembered something that I seemed to have forgotten. I have the only love that I will ever need. I have the love that keeps coming even when I'm the one who isn't reciprocating it. I have the love who did not consider pain very significant at all. If every day of my life I love without being loved in return, if everyday I wake up and am pained by those I fight for, I still find myself wrapped up in a love that is far greater and able to make up for all the other lost loves. There is a security I seem to have forgotten that comes from being found in the arms of a loving Father. I have made a few inner vows in my own attempt for security, but I don't need them anymore. I have forgotten the way God has healed my broken heart more than once, but I can remember it clearly now.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear.