Throwing Out Plan B

When I crawled out of bed at 11pm last night to grab my laptop and start writing, I thought this was going to go an entirely different direction. I have written, erased, and rewritten these first three sentences (and almost every sentence after these) about four times now and I am finally giving up my own ideas about what I am about to say. You and I are officially on a journey to hear from Jesus together, and I am just as curious as you are to see what he has to say.

We have all been taught the importance of having a backup plan. We have them for almost everything in life. In case of fire, take the stairs. In case of a flat tire, keep a spare in the trunk. In case of emergency landing, check under your seat for the cushion that doubles as a floatation device (this one always makes me really nervous). These kinds of backup plans are wise. If the building is burning down, you don't need to be standing in line for the elevator. If you blow out a tire, you don't need to ride the rim all the way to your destination. If your plane goes down in the Pacific, you really shouldn't rely on your 8th grade swim team skills to save you. All great things to take into consideration.

However, some backup plans can be extremely harmful to the plans of God on your life. Sometimes we use backup plans in the same way we would use emergency exit stairs, except there is no fire, only a fear of one. "Jesus… I am going to follow you wherever you may lead me. Unless of course it starts to look like I can't make a living off of that, so I'm going to get that second degree in mechanical engineering just to be safe." A few years later when the economy plummets and times get hard, the temptation is there to take the emergency exit and walk away from where the Lord has you in order to stabilize your financial situation without any regard for the fact that when the Lord calls a man, he provides for his every need. When we start to make our decisions based off of what we see and not what we have heard from the Lord, we end up on the path to Plan B, and Plan B can be a long, bumpy road when we are trying to pave the way for ourselves.

Sometimes our backup plans don't look like career paths, but something much more personal. However, no matter what our backup plans are for, they always have something to do with our control over our own situations. "Jesus… I know you are asking me to trust you completely in this situation. I know that you want to be the one to work it out from start to finish, but I am just going to keep my foot in that door in case you need help and I need to barge in and manipulate any part of this thing to make it go "our" way. I'm just here in case you need backup." Assuming that we recognize the irrationality of our "in case you need help" logic, Plan B signifies an area of the heart that is still resistant to trusting God. What area of our lives is so big that God is not capable to work out even the most complicated detail without a single strategy of our own?

Not only does Plan B rob Jesus of our trust in the moment, but it also comes back to stir up doubt in the years to come. When we make our own plans and pave our own paths, we will always be able to look back and question whether or not we did the right thing. When we stick with plan A, following the voice of Jesus all the way, there is no room left for questioning. He always does the right thing. When life gets really hard on the road to Plan B, there is no reference point to look back to that promises everything will work out in the end. When life gets really hard on the road to Plan A, I can still my heart, remember the moment that I heard Jesus whisper his plans, and know that it doesn't matter what I am seeing, because he is already waiting at the end of the road.

Here is the challenge to both you and I… Would we be so bold as to trash every Plan B in these seasons to come? Would we live our lives with a violent faith that says, "Jesus, if you don't come through, I'm not going through, because I am not deviating from the plans you have set before me." That seems like a really big risk, but it isn't like the risk of being stuck on the side of the road with no spare, or the plane going down without a floatation device. We already have the promise that he WILL come through. The hard part is in those moments or seasons when it does't look that way and everything is telling us otherwise. The hard part is when we wish we would have kept our foot in that door because we can't see how Jesus is possibly going to work out the situation without any help on our part. But friends, just hold on a few moments longer, because Plan A with Jesus has never failed… not once.

(Not) Empty-Handed

Take a moment and hold out your hand in front of you. I promise I'm not going to try and tell you your future or anything, but I want you to get a good look at the palm of your hand. Some of us have little hands, some of us large hands. Some of us have soft hands, others calloused hands from a hard day's work. My hand happens to have a wrinkle in the shape of the letter "M" and a freckle in the middle that has been there ever since I can remember. Regardless of how big or small or tender or tough your hands are, there is one true statement about every hand in the world: it can only hold so much until there is no room left to hold anything else.

I'm going to lead you to my point with an extremely practical example. Lets pretend you and I are talking face to face and I ask you to offer me your hand. If I pull out a bag of pennies, I can only place so many pennies in your palm until all the free space has been filled and the excess pennies begin spilling onto the floor. If I decide I want to place quarters in your hand, I am going to have to remove some of those pennies that are already taking up space in order to make room for the new coins. 

Our lives are a lot like our open hands. We have x amount of space that we can fill as we please. If we want to fill it with a lot of work, then there might not be as much time left for family. If we want to fill it with a lot of fun, then there might not be much time left to get the job done. But what about Jesus? Where does he fit into our open hand principle? Because Jesus will take just as much of our space as we want to give him. If we want to throw out 1 square inch of distractions, Jesus will come inhabit 1 square inch. If we want to clear half the room for Jesus, Jesus will take half the room. However, regardless of how much space you decide to offer Jesus, in order to make room, something else has to go. 

Sometimes we live with tightly closed fists. After all, it is extremely uncomfortable to open our hands and let something go that we have held onto for a long time. We fear opening our hands because we are afraid that one day we will turn up completely empty-handed. On top of that, Jesus isn't a great space-sharer. The Bible tells us that we serve a jealous God. When we assign Jesus a little space between work and relationships and possessions and goals, all those things that are pressing against his space become increasingly less comfortable until we are willing to let them go to make more space for Jesus; or until we decide to remove him and allow them to take his place.

It all comes down to a decision of what you really want most out of life. It all comes down to a decision of whether or not you will open your hand, clear every inch of space to make room for Jesus, and face the fear of being left empty-handed. I'm going to let out the secret, though. When you open your hand for the sake of more of Jesus, it will never be empty. It's impossible. Never one time has God forsaken his people who abandoned everything for the sake of knowing him more deeply. Not once.

In fact, you would be in a much safer boat to go ahead and bulldoze that space you have reserved for all your hopes, dreams, goals, and ambitions, and to allow Jesus to invade that place and rebuild some of those dreams according to his plan. It would be to your benefit to release your tight grasp on your career path so that Jesus could come and straighten the way for you no matter how much of a different direction it seemed he was taking. It would not hurt you one bit to lay down every relationship in your life before the Lord and ask Jesus to resurrect them and place them back into your hands according to his plans and purposes for your life in this season. There are some things you might need to let go of in order to make more space for Jesus that you will never see again. That is okay, friend. Once that area of your life has been invaded by the presence of God, you won't feel the sting of any lack.

When the world looks at my hand, I am sure that to them it appears to be empty. When I look at my hand, I see the fullness and the richness of God's plans for my life. I keep my fingers spread open wide, not in a hurry to cling tightly to anything, but willing to allow any and every thing to pass through onto the ground trusting that Jesus will keep for me everything I have need of. It really is the only way to do life with Jesus, and I would not trade it for the false sense of security that comes from placing anything of my own design into the palm of my hand. Would you be willing to open your hand today?

It's Always Been A Waiting Game

Life truly is one giant waiting game. We wait in traffic, we wait in line, we wait for the promotion, we wait for the news from the doctor, we wait for the perfect opportunity. Most anything that is worth anything to us requires some kind of waiting on our part. Waiting is nothing new. Waiting wasn't invented when Apple decided to make us stand in line for the new iPhone or when Chic-fil-a opened up a second drive-thru lane that really only serves to create a bigger parking lot problem. Since the beginning of time, man found himself waiting.

Abraham waited for God to fulfill his promise of a child who would be the first of many offspring. Jacob waited seven years as he worked for his wife Rachel and then seven more after he was deceived by her father Laban. Joseph waited from the bottom of a pit and then from the deepest part of prison to see the fruition of his dreams come to pass. Moses waited for God to soften Pharaoh's heart to see the release of his people from slavery. Joshua waited for the Lord to deliver his people into the Promised Land. David waited to become king as he fled from Saul. Esther waited for the Lord to save her people. Daniel waited to be delivered from the mouths of lions… And all of these people received the promises of God.

Then, for 400 years after the latest Old Testament prophet delivered his message from God, the world waited in silence to once again hear God speak. Man waited to be delivered from his sin problem. He waited to be set free from the chains that had bound him since before the time of Abraham and Jacob and Joseph and Moses. Creation cried out for a deliverer, and the time had finally come.

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them a light has shone… For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore." Isaiah 9:2,6-7

The waiting was over. God not only opened his mouth, but the WORD BECAME FLESH and dwelt among us and showed us his glory. That baby, the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace, grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. He began to reveal himself as the perfect solution to the sin problem that we had been waiting for. He found himself at the age of 33 years old hanging on a cross, fulfilling his own plan that he had since the beginning of time for our redemption. He overcame death, and he eradicated the sin problem for all those who were willing to believe both in that moment and these moments that we are living in now.

Christmas, Christmas is the celebration of the end of the waiting game. We don't have to wait for another savior. We don't have to wait for another redeemer. We aren't facing the possibility of another 400 years of silence. Jesus already came and sealed the deal with his Holy Spirit. THIS IS MY FAVORITE GOOD NEWS. The end of this waiting game signifies a beginning of a whole new way of life-- full of PROMISE, HOPE, PEACE, JOY, and PURPOSE. And now, now we wait for something different. We wait for the moment that we get to stand face to face with Jesus, whole and complete, perfected in every way. This time, we do not wait alone, unsure of when his promise will be fulfilled. We wait FOR Jesus WITH Jesus, knowing that in the blink of an eye when this world passes away, when we breathe our last breath, the waiting is over and a whole new day begins… again.

CHRISTMAS. IS. AWESOME.

Lessons from the Man in Manitou

Manitou Springs, CO

This weekend, I had the coolest opportunity to go see some of my dearest friends in Colorado Springs. It was an AWESOME time to reconnect with incredible people, spend some intimate time with Jesus, and unwind at the end of an insane semester. We did all kinds of super fun things from soaking up some awesome worship at Every Home for Christ to exploring the snowy, narrow mountain roads. On Friday afternoon, we decided we would head up to Manitou Springs to try and tackle some Christmas shopping for our parents. In an attempt not to ruin Christmas, I'll just say that my mom loves unique things and she LOVES her homeland of Colorado, so I figured one of the little shops in Manitou was bound to have something for her. A shop filled with brightly colored metals and stones caught my eye, so we decided to venture in.

After looking around for a minute, the owner of the shop casually walked in from outside to greet us. The older gentleman walked us around the store telling us about all of the great deals and discounts he was going to offer us, and seemed satisfied when I settled on the perfect gift for my mom. We walked over to the checkout, and that is when the real conversation started. Seemingly out of nowhere, with no prompting from us, the man from Manitou started talking to us about his life. 

He told us about serving in Vietnam, watching his friends die on the field in front of him, and coming back at the end of the war seeking something real to alleviate the numbness that plagued him daily. After being back in United States for some time and struggling day after day just to find something to hold on to, he decided to return his Native American roots and began practicing suspension and weekly rituals at the sweat lodge. Every week, he goes and has his body pierced so that he can be hung from metal hooks in his chest, torso, legs, or back. He told us that all of these things are done in an attempt to feel something real, TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING THAT COSTS HIM. He tried all kinds of religion, and this is where he finally settled because at least in pain there is 'something.' This man in Manitou is simply searching for something that makes him feel more than dead inside and he knows that feeling alive always comes with a cost. 

I can't tell you what my face looked like as I stood there and listened to him. I don't know if the tears fighting their way to the surface were evident to anyone but me, but my heart shattered. This man had seen death and experienced heartache and then came back to the United States and all he could find to make him feel alive again was more pain and more heartache. THIS is why a Christianity that costs us nothing must soon come to an end. This is why the church in America that promises nothing more than prosperity and riches to its converts can't go on much longer.

We will soon live in a nation that is so hurt, so desperate for something real, so broken and so numb from tradgedy that the church will finally have to be what it was meant to be. We as followers of Jesus will finally have to take up our cross and follow him. We will finally have to respond to the call to count everything as loss for the surpassing glory of knowing Christ. I am sorry that the man in Manitou never found a place among a body of believers where he was shown just how real life with Jesus can be. I sit here and weep over the fact that we were not there to extend the love of Jesus that strips away every bit of numbness and leaves a heart of flesh once again. I lament over the fact that the Christianity that was promoted to him promised a life that would cost nothing, and as a result, he walked away.

I take hope in the fact that there is a trumpet sounding, calling for all the sons and daughters of God to pick up their swords once again and FIGHT for something REAL that will COST EVERYTHING. I rejoice in the fact that true relationship with Jesus IS available to every hurt, broken, and calloused heart looking for another chance to feel again. I sing for joy that the day is coming and is here now that God is raising up a generation who will seek his glory and lay down their own because they know they have found the better thing.

Dear __________,

Dear _________,

I don't know how else to relay this message to you other than through this blog post because I simply don't know who you are. Maybe I know you better than I think I do, maybe you are more than one person, or maybe you live on the other side of the ocean. Either way, I want to share with you something that the Lord showed me in a very sweet moment with him that I think is for you, too. Maybe you will find a meaning in it that goes deeper or in a different direction than the one I found, but I pray that you would allow the Lord to show himself to you regardless. I know that for me, my heart has been branded.

As I was talking to the Lord on my way to take a final exam yesterday, my prayer sounded something like this... "Lord, I could pray about so many things right now. I could ask for help on a test or answers to all of these questions in my life, or I could request a word from you concerning the state of my heart; but I would just like for you to show me what is on YOUR heart today. What do you want to say to me without me having to ask?"

The Lord gave me this vision…

It was what looked like a scene from the movie The Impossible. A huge tsunami had come ashore and was rapidly clearing the streets of every unrooted thing. Out of nowhere, I noticed a vine hanging down from the top of the skyline that I was able to grip onto in order to keep from being swept away. The torrent seemed to last for hours and I became frightened that nothing besides myself would remain at the end of the day. There was no one left as far as I could see who had kept their head above the water. I was convinced that I had been left the sole survivor of an unexpected disaster. Slowly, the water began to recede and and I saw that there were, in fact, a few things left standing in the middle of the road. Some of them were people, but other things were simply pillars that I had not seen standing there before. They had been covered by the flood, but had either managed to root themselves in the street or find vines of their own to cling to.

This is what the Lord said: Hold onto me as the flood waters rise; cling to me with everything you have. Every thing that is not worthy of remaining will be swept away, but the few things that prove themselves to be rooted will remain. You will not be left on your own, simply hold on and allow me to finish my process. I know it looks like nothing is going to be left standing at the end of the day, but you cannot see what I see. You don't see the refinement that is happening beneath the flood waters.

I can't explain to you in words how deeply this spoke to me in my present season. The magnitude of this revelation in my heart is something that will only ever be known between my Father and I, and that's okay. Whoever you are reading this that needed to hear these words from the Lord, take them and etch them into your very being. Hold onto them and don't let go of them for anything. I am praying for you even now that you would cling to the vine, grow your roots down deep, and be found stronger at the end of this season.

I Am For You

I am afraid two blogs in two days might be overkill, so I will keep this one very short and very simple. I wrestled to even write this down anywhere but in my own journal, but I don't want someone to miss out on something that might not just be for me. If it is just for the sake of one more to hear Jesus speaking today, let me open my heart to you all again.

I woke up this morning at 6am. That would be totally normal for some people, but I am junior in college and we tend not to do much before 8 in the morning especially during dead week. My eyes popped open and I instantly felt overwhelmed by the day at hand. I knew I had some hard things to face and I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and face it all over again in two hours. My body wouldn't let me.

I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. If you read my blog yesterday, you know that the shower usually signifies a Jesus meeting, but I felt so heavy hearted I didn't want to let my walls down. I felt myself pulling my heart further inside of me in an attempt not to turn it over for the daily examination, but I know better than to run from Jesus.

I got ready as quickly as I could, packed my bag, and headed for the prayer tower here at ORU. I had a final, work, and a lot of uncomfortable situations ahead of me, but I could hear Jesus calling. I spent about an hour downstairs sobbing as I let Jesus chisel away at my walls and restore pieces of my heart, and let me tell you… It hurt. It always hurts when Jesus is removing barriers, but the reward is always so sweet.

The upstairs of the prayer tower has been reconstructed over the years as a type of guided "prayer journey" for students and visitors to walk around and listen for the voice of God. It maybe sounds a bit spooky to you, but all it is really is excerpts from Oral Robert's book on how to hear from God painted on the walls as you walk the circle overlooking the campus. I have only been up there one time in all my time as a student here at ORU, but this morning, it sounded like a good idea. I went up and walked the circle paying no attention to the words on the walls. As I was about to go back down, a still small voice prompted me to walk it again and really listen. I was clinging to words God had spoken yesterday and the day before, but I needed to hear him today. I needed to know what he was saying to me.

I got to the second excerpt from the book painted on the wall, when Jesus whispered "I am with you." I said thanks to Jesus because he was speaking directly to a fear I had been facing and that was awesome, but he had already told me that yesterday (major heart check needed! I want the voice of Jesus to always shake me to my core no matter what he says!) I kept walking when all of a sudden Jesus whispered, "Not only am I WITH you but I am FOR you." I totally lost it. I thought I had no tears left after the first hour in there… I was wrong. He started speaking to me that not only does he walk beside me, but he walks ahead of me, fighting for me, making a way for me, orchestrating events and circumstances for my good, working out the minute details of my life.

That is MIND BLOWING to me!! The creator of the universe who I have been created for, is for me! Why?! It makes no sense! He could choose to be a God that sits on his throne solely absorbing the praises of his people, but he chooses to get his hands dirty. He chooses to work in us and through us and for us. WHAT. PLEASE HEAR ME! God is not only with you, he is FOR you. He proved it when he took the cross and tore the veil making a way for you to come to him. Don't for a second doubt his faithfulness or his love for you, that he would turn the whole world upside down for the sake of one of his kids. I don't know what you're facing. I may not even know you, but I know God is FOR you. So rise up, friend, out of the ashes and the fear and doubt, and take a hold of the promises and call of God on your life. Use your every breath to sing of his mercy and love and faithfulness.

Showers, Sympathy, and Suffering

I will admit it up front… The title of this post is entirely random. I had to call it something or it wouldn't let me post it, but MAYBE by the time you get to the end of this blog you will see where I was coming from. By the time you read this, I will most likely have written and rewritten it half a dozen times. Partially because this is my process, but mostly because I have so many things I want to say and no idea how I am going to tie them all together, if it is even possible. Please, please stick with me faithful friends.

I have a lot of my most intimate times with Jesus in the shower. I don't know if it is because that is one of the few places I find myself during the day that I am not totally distracted, or if it is because I'm in there in the morning when I am still waking up and ready to listen, but that's where Jesus and I like to spend a lot of quality time. Sometimes I stand there and am moved to tears because of the things Jesus is speaking to my heart, and I am totally okay with it because my face will be dripping wet when I get out anyways. Why am I sharing this awkward, private information with you? Not just to be so weird, but because I want to be able to convey to you the significance of a moment that I experienced a while back that Jesus has so gently been reminding me of lately.

One September morning, I was in the shower praying when I felt something click on the inside of me. My "Jesus have this day and make it yours" prayer turned into something a little deeper and more bold than usual. I remember praying this, "Father, my whole life is here in your hands. My prayer is that you would use me however you desire to get the most glory. If that looks like suffering loss so that my life can be a testimony of your restoration, may I have nothing left at the end of the day. If that means journeying with you through some dark moments so that people can see you as comfort, may I be willing to take your hand and go quickly for the sake of your Kingdom. If that means you allow me to face bumps, and roadblocks, and obstacles so that my life can be a testimony of your sweet presence in the midst of it all, strip away every comfort."

Let no one mistake me sharing this as some kind of flaunting of my spiritual strength. Literally two seconds after this prayer I panicked and said, "I'm just kidding. I take it all back." In that moment of Holy Spirit empowered boldness, I had meant what I said with everything in me. I had offered myself up as a willing, living sacrifice, and then I had a glimpse of what that might mean and I wimped out. The Lord knew and knows that this is my heart, though, and in some really tiny, bite-sized pieces, he has fulfilled this prayer I prayed in the shower in September.

Pause. We need to take a quick detour for a second and then I promise to tie everything together in the end, hopefully. Let me explain to you quickly the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is understanding what others have experienced because you have experienced it for yourself and can put yourself in their shoes.

Sympathy is acknowledging another's hardships and providing comfort and assurance.

When you are facing a diagnosis, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will tell you all kinds of things to make you feel better, and you will probably be left feeling worse at the end of it all. Empathetic people will be there to walk you through it with the testimony that they have been there and are still alive to tell the story. When you lose someone you love dearly, you want to be surrounded with empathetic people. Sympathetic people will bake casseroles and offer hugs, but empathetic people carry the scars to prove that healing will come to your heart someday.

Here comes the connection, we are almost there. These past three weeks of my life have been really, really hard in more ways than most people could understand. I have felt more pain physically, mentally, and emotionally than I thought you could feel all at once without cracking. It has not been an enjoyable period of time for me in any way, shape, or form. At first, I did not handle any of the things I was experiencing well at all. I was slowly starting to unravel, growing more weary by the day, until Jesus started picking up the pieces behind me. I have felt hurtful things I have never felt before and watched fears I didn't even know I had come to life before my eyes, AND I WOULD GLADLY DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. (I typed that in caps so both you and the enemy who has been waging war against me this whole time would get the point.) I have found true, life-giving joy in this suffering. Why? Because when Jesus leads someone in my direction who is experiencing severe physical pain, I can tell them that I have been there and that He is holding my hand as he desires to hold theirs. When someone shows up on my doorstep with heartache, I can welcome them in and tell them about my God who restores every broken piece of a shredded heart. When someone walks up to me in the grocery store even years from now who is dealing with both simultaneously, I can tell them about Jesus who is their hope for the redemption of it all. I don't want to be sympathetic. Sympathy does not make anything better. I want to be a faithful friend who is willing to walk the distance to see another restored.

My prayer for my own healing lately has changed a bit in light of this revelation. I was praying three weeks ago, "Jesus! Please hurry and take the pain away. I can't function!" But I have realized since then that I can function. I do not doubt for a moment that Jesus can and wants to heal me, but I am okay with him doing that whenever he should choose so that the maximum amount of people can see him do it. If my suffering can last a day, month, or year longer for the sake of someone else coming to know my Jesus, let me suffer with joy in my heart and all over my face.

Final thought: I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday about a major health crisis she is facing. Her suffering is in so many ways much greater than the one I have experienced. She told me that every time she gets ready to get up and share her story, she gets hit even harder with her illness and all the symptoms that come along with it. The enemy real, friends. He knows human nature-- that we will let ourselves become dulled to the point that we stop going the distance or standing up to speak because we expect more pain to follow. That is fear. My friend is not allowing that fear to steal her story, and neither will I, and neither should you. There is a world who needs overcomers, people who have been through the fire and come out on the other side, so that they may know the hope that is theirs in Christ Jesus. Would WE be so bold as to be those people.

Unexpected Lessons Part 2

A year and a half ago, I wrote a blog from my hospital bed called Unexpected Lessons (if you've never read it, you can find it here). I wrote about the lessons that I was learning in the midst of a very uncomfortable time of my life when my health had taken an unexpected turn for the worst, and I was battling a serious infection in my body called pseudomonas. A month after that blog was written, I found myself in the heart of Peru doing my very favorite thing, preaching the Gospel. Jesus had used an intense stream of antibiotics to fully wipe out the infection and I was allowed to travel to my favorite place on earth and introduce many people to my Jesus. While in Peru, I became very sick. Thinking it was a relapse of the pseudomonas and after a near collapse in the middle of Lima, I was taken to a hospital nearby where a very capable Peruvian physician found a stone in my gallbladder that was dangerously close to entering my liver. I flew home with my team a week later and had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder along with the stone, then I left for ORU two weeks later.

Since I arrived at ORU a year and a half ago, I have been blessed with great health. I have not had any relapses of the pseudomonas nor have I had any major issues as a result of my cholecystectomy. A little over a week ago, another opportunity for unexpected lessons appeared in the form of neuropathy. I went to sleep Wednesday night feeling like I had lost circulation in my feet and legs. I figured I had just gotten overly chilled in the freezing Tulsa weather, and my feet and legs were warming up a little slower than usual. Thursday morning I woke up and I felt like I had fallen asleep in a colony of fire ants. The pain in my feet and legs brought me to tears and I only fought my way through two classes before I had to go to Urgent Care to hopefully get a little relief. They told me there that they were clueless as to what could be going on in someone of my age and my health, prescribed some steroids probably just to make me feel better in my own mind, and sent me home. By 7pm that night, we were on our way to the emergency room with sever pain in my legs and up my back. After a long, LONG night, I was sent home on pain medication with a diagnosis of neuropathy.

Neuropathy is common in diabetics, alcoholics, people over the age of 70, or people exposed to toxins. I have low blood sugar, never consume alcohol, am a young 20 years of age, and tested negative for toxins in my system. The doctor recognized all of these factors and decided the best thing they could do would be to medicate my pain and continue to refer me out until someone could determine what was wrong with me. After a doctor's appointment this past Tuesday in which I tried to explain to the doctor that my pain was not improving, not much has changed in respect to earthly answers. She looked me over, ran a couple of basic tests, scratched her head, referred me to a neurologist, and prescribed me a new medication used to treat the basic symptoms of neuropathy. This new medication might be my biggest road block right now, as I fight to write this blog in complete sentences without losing my train of thought or coming up short for words. I am exchanging a few levels of pain for a serious brain freeze while my brain adjusts to the neurological effects of the medication.

Before you write me off as totally helpless or write this blog off as super depressing, let me just say that I didn't give you a rundown of my medical history in order that one of you could hopefully diagnose me, find a cure, or feel really, really sorry for me! Jesus is already working to heal me, and sympathy could be better redirected to people who are suffering a million times worse than I have been. I am not discouraged, frightened, frustrated, or feeling hopeless in any sense. I write this post with a smile on my face because I am about to share with you everything that I have been learning lately.

1. Jesus is always good. Seriously friends! Never do I know Jesus to be more of a healer, more faithful, or more beautiful than in times like these. I am so thankful for the opportunity to deal with hard things because they always reaffirm who I have believed Jesus to be all along. When I wake up in the morning and I just can't get my mind to wake up because of the medication, Jesus reminds me that he is renewing my mind and I get so much more accomplished that day than I could have on my own. When I take a few steps and feel the fire ants in my feet, Jesus carries me further than I could have gone on my own. When I feel like no one quite gets what is going on or that I will never get any answers, Jesus reminds me that he knows pain more deeply than I ever will and that nothing is hidden from him.

2. Job was onto something. I am not in any way comparing my trials to those of Job. Job had it really, really bad. He lost everything, and all I have lost is a little physical comfort and a little brain power for a temporary period of time. However, Job did something that I am training myself in these moments to do-- praising God just because He's God and He deserves it anyways. If I look at myself too long, like Job I am faced with the temptation of questioning in my heart God's goodness, but if I cast my eyes on the face of Jesus, I can keep worshiping my way through it all.

3. Nothing is forever. I don't plan on suffering for forever. I really do believe the end to this whole episode is in the very near future. But even if it wasn't, I know it's not going to last forever. At the end of my life I will stand before God and the pain and struggle won't even be a distant memory in my mind. Nothing is forever.

4. Tiny problems can cause a lot of damage, so care for the small things. Let me tell you about nerves for a second. They're usually quiet, unconsidered by their owners, and faithful to do their intended duties. However, if something goes remotely wrong with them, pain is on its way. If you do not take care of your body or you put yourself at risk in some known or unknown way of damaging your nerves, you are going to pay for it later. It's a lot like the "small things" in our walk with Jesus. There are so many things that go unconsidered: quality time in the presence of God, faithfulness and discipline to train our hearts and minds in the Word, or the fulfillment of our purpose on a daily basis. These things can go on neglected, but not for long before the pain comes. We must be careful to care for even the smallest aspects of our spiritual lives so that we can be whole and complete lacking nothing.

Dear friends, thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement. You all have been the hands, feet, and mouth piece of Jesus in a very precious time of my life. Grace and peace to every one of you. 

The World's Worst Marketing Campaign

I don't claim to be an expert in the field of marketing, but I am pretty sure there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. Actually, I KNOW there is a right way and wrong way to do it because every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I roll out of bed and sit in Principles of Marketing for an hour learning the difference.

There are four components that play a part in effective marketing-- product, price, placement, and promotion (I just typed that by memory, someone tell my prof I deserve an A). Product is what the consumer can expect to receive in exchange for a resource of equal value, usually currency; price is the monetary value placed on the product based on what a consumer is willing to hand over in exchange for that product; place has to do with where the product can be found, whether its on a specific shelf in a certain store, or on a specific page on a certain website; and promotion has to do with making the consumer aware of the product and creating a desire within the consumer to obtain it.

When getting ready to promote a product or service, companies spend thousands if not millions of dollars researching their consumers so that they know exactly what to say and how to say it in order to secure a sale. If their customers want fun, they're going to make their product sound fun. If their customers want prestige, they're going to make their product seem prestigious. If their customers want efficient, they're going to bend their campaign as much as possible to present their product as efficient.

If this is what defines a good marketing campaign, then it is safe to say that God is not interested in the business of marketing. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this, "When Christ calls a man he bids him come and die." Literally the worst marketing campaign ever. Here's Jesus saying"Follow me! But first, give up everything you have, all your hopes, dreams, plans, and ambitions, and pick up your cross." I can only imagine what the disciples were thinking standing beside Jesus as these words escaped his mouth. Peter, always a bit quick to offer his advice, probably wanted to whisper something into his ear along the lines of, "Hey Jesus, I'm sure you know what you're doing but let me just throw something out there. Instead of saying 'come and die' maybe you could highlight some of the benefits of being your disciple. You're going to kill our head count in the weekly attendance report if you don't change your approach a bit."

Had Jesus been concerned about changing his approach, had he said anything less than "come and die," he would have been untrue to his own Gospel message. In the United States of America, we have done with the Gospel what we have done with everything else- made it about us… tailored it to fit our wants and needs. The Gospel has never been about being the best you that you can be. It has always been about the fact that at our very worst moment, when we were drowning in our humanity, God humbled himself, became a man, died a horrible death on the cross, and three days later rose from the grave conquering death once and for all. It has always been about believing in Jesus' finished work on the cross, dying to ourselves, and repositioning him on the throne of our hearts.

Sorry to burst some bubbles, but if you are living a comfortable life, never sacrificing yourself for the sake of the Kingdom of God, never exiting your comfort zone to introduce a stranger to Jesus, never speaking loudly enough of your faith to have someone reprimand you for it, you probably aren't carrying your cross like Jesus. I'm guilty of it, too. Not many of us reading this will ever experience literally losing our lives for the sake of following Christ. For our brothers and sisters around the world, however, this is what following Christ means. It means no more family gatherings because family has disowned them. It means no more education, because education in many areas is not offered to a professing believer in Christ. It means no freedom of worship, no job, no home, and often times no life.

Though we may not experience physical death here in the United States, though you reading this overseas may not experience physical death in your nation that is still open to the Gospel, let us embrace wholeheartedly a death to ourselves. Let us be willing to go when he says 'go.' Let us be willing to give up the things we cling to when he says 'open your hand.' Let us live our lives for the one who gave his life for us willing to follow his call to come and die. Amen.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

"He loves me… he loves me not…" This phrase signifies the death of flowers everywhere as petals fall to the ground carrying with them the hopes and dreams of a little second grade girl who wonders if she has found her Prince Charming. It's a silly game that is played by our daughters, our students, and our little sisters that ends only when one petal remains signifying if the object of her affection does or does not reciprocate her "love."I chuckle at the thought of a little girl on the playground in distress because the final petal landed on "he loves me not" indicating to her that all hope is lost. I chuckle again as she picks up a handful of new flowers to try again and again until the last petal lands on "he loves me."

I played this game far too many times as a child. Unfortunately, I still play it to this day.

I hold in my hands all of my deeds and as I drop each one to the ground, I determine if He loves me or if He loves me not. Obviously, the He I am talking about is Jesus. I was kind to a stranger today… He loves me. I snapped at a friend out of impatience… He loves me not. I spent my afternoon praying and reading the Word… He loves me. I sinned again… He loves me not. I know this game makes just about much sense as the version I played in elementary school, yet I still have the tendency to play it from time to time on an off day. I forget or I choose to ignore the fact that His love for me is not contingent on what I have or have not done, but rather on the fact that He chooses to love me regardless. Do you or I deserve the love He chooses to pour out on us? Absolutely not. We are fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any more that the man who sits behind bars for murdering his child. We are also fooling ourselves if we think we deserve it any less than our pastor who spoke so eloquently on Sunday. 

It is by the grace of God, God's unmerited, unearned favor, that we have the opportunity to sit under the fountain of his love and drink deeply from it. My goodness does not gain me that access, nor does my sin revoke that access. Today these words from 1 John bounce around in the walls of my heart: 

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we many have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in the world. there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

I don't think I am the only one who needed the reminder today that God's love for me is more sure than anything in my life. Nothing, NOTHING, you or I could ever do will make God stop loving us. If you don't believe me, go read it for yourself here, and then go forward in the grace and peace of God.

If you are reading this and you have never experienced the love of God before, or you aren't sure what all of this Jesus stuff has to do with you anyways, please leave a comment below or send me an email to the address provided in my bio. I would love to introduce the two of you.

If The Gospel Was Ebola

Ebola. No one was talking about it before February 2014; everyone been talking about it since. I don't think I could tell you how long its been since I went a whole day without seeing it on the news, reading about it on my social media feed, or hearing it escape the lips of a stranger on the sidewalk. People are either A) panicking B) complaining C) developing conspiracy theories or D) creating memes making fun of options A, B, and C.

This blog is not my two cents on this epidemic, though I would like to ask everyone to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that ebola did not throw Jesus off his throne. I am intrigued, however, by the reaction of so many people and the news being spread about this virus. When you google ebola, you will see the following results (I can't help but read these headlines in the voice of our local newscaster who has a way of making everything seem so much more epic than it really is):

Ebola in America: Has the Fever Broken?

Signs and Symptoms: Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever

What We Are Afraid to Say About Ebola

Ebola Outbreak: What You Need to Know NOW

The bottom line is that people want to know what it is that everyone else is talking about and they want to know if they should concern themselves with it as well. What if the Gospel was ebola? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing its effects on the news? What if I couldn't go a day without seeing it preached on my news feed? What if I heard it pouring out of the mouths of strangers as I passed them on the sidewalk? What if people wanted to know what it is that Christians can't stop talking about and what if they started asking themselves if it should be a part of their lives, too?

Unfortunately, we seem to talk a lot more ebola than Gospel. I've never seen a headline that read "Signs and Symptoms: the Gospel is Taking Over" or "The Gospel: What You Need to Know Now." It saddens my heart that I haven't seen a headline that says "The Gospel in America: The Power of Sin Broken" or "The Gospel in America: Lives are Being Restored."Why aren't these the normal banners on the 5 o'clock news? Somewhere along the way, we have stopped letting our experience with the Gospel be contagious; and so it doesn't spread to our community or across borders, it settles inside of us and sometimes people don't even know we have been infected.

I want the name of Jesus to be as famous in the eyes of the world as the word "ebola." The truth is, it probably isn't these days. People can't keep their opinions about ebola to themselves, but they have no problem keeping quiet about Jesus. That's totally weird to me. There is nothing more powerful, more cataclysmic, more radical, more life-altering than the Gospel. Let's start being a little louder about it until people are seeking Jesus more than they are unreliable facts about ebola.

Undercover Christianity

When I was a little girl, I heard a Sunday School lesson about how we as Christians are like undercover agents in a foreign country sent into an unfamiliar land-- not to be like the inhabitants of the culture, but to be on duty, faithfully serving our homeland. In my overly imaginative, eight-year-old mind, I pictured myself weaving in and out of the trees at school in a trench coat and sunglasses watching all the "foreigners" going about their lives, waiting for my opportunity to slip in and deliver a secret message without being caught. I am pretty sure that this is not what the teacher had in mind when she was giving us a lesson from 1 Peter about being "foreigners in a strange land" or the instruction from 2 Timothy to not become "entangled in civilian pursuits." Regardless, something was lost in translation between her theologically sound instruction and my hyper-imaginative interpretation.

The problem with this is that the same little girl in a trench coat and sunglasses, eager to dart in and out with the secret message about who Jesus is, didn't understand that that no one was telling her to hide who she was or to hide the message she had been given. I spent a substantial amount of my jr. high and high school years waiting for someone to come ask me about the message I had for them, but no one ever seemed to come. I was doing far too good of a job disguising myself "for the sake of the mission." After all, no one would ever want to hear what the overly outspoken Christian had to say, right? So I did my best to live undercover figuring someday someone would see through the civilian disguise and ask me about my true identity.

The fact is that my high school friends didn't need an undercover Christian, nor were they in any position to be expected to see past my civilian disguise. They needed someone they could go to when things got really bad. They needed a beacon of hope who could point them toward dry land in the midst of the storm. My friends needed to know that there was something different about me that was available to them too, and that they could ask me about it and I would share the not-so-secret secret.

The fact is that my friends now don't need an undercover Christian, either. Neither do yours. The chances are slim that if you continue to go about your day-to-day routine (which looks no different than the routine of your co-workers or peers) no one is going to come up to you in the office and ask what is different about you, because the answer will be nothing. What both my friends and your friends need are men and women who stand like a tower in the midst of the battle offering a place of refuge from the crossfire. What our friends need are men and women who stick out like sore thumbs, offering a reason for the hope we have to all who have need of hope. What our friends need are uncovered, out in the open, followers of Christ who reflect the image of him who has called us according to our purpose.

Friends, our friends are hurting; our culture is pained; our world needs answers. Now is not the time for undercover Christianity.

Preaching the Gospel in our Ice Bucket Culture

Oh, the controversial Ice Bucket Challenge. If you haven't seen it or heard it, chances are you live under a rock since almost every avenue of social media has been inundated with this new fad. For the sake of all the rock dwellers reading this right now, let me catch you up to speed. The Ice Bucket Challenge is a campaign started by the ALS association that has brought in $31.5 million for research on amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Basically, participants are challenged and in return, challenge others to dump a bucket of ice water over their heads in order to raise funds and awareness for the ALS association. If the person challenged does not fulfill their "obligation," they are expected to make a payment to the association. Contrary to your probable first thought, this post isn't going to be my battle cry to support the ALS association (though I am glad there are people passionate about finding a cure to this debilitating decease), nor is it going to be my annoyed opposition to this unusual campaign (though I did have trouble getting ice out of the overly exhausted ice machine on campus this morning). This post is going to be about what our culture subconsciously tells us through this new fad about how to best reach them where they are with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. First, let's look at what this challenge tells us about our society as a whole.

1. We all want to be a part of something that matters.

How many of us really thought about ALS before the Ice Bucket Challenge? Unless you or a family member suffer from this disease, the chances are it took you a google search to discover what ALS even stood for. As soon as you heard, though, that you had the opportunity to raise awareness for something that really mattered, you jumped on board the train. Why? Because we all want to be difference makers and belong to something significant.

2. We value community and connection.

The Ice Bucket Challenge has spread like wildfire thanks to the fact that every person who takes the challenge, in turn, challenges another person. I've seen videos posted from friends in my hometown (pop. 19,000), and I have seen videos posted from former Pres. Bush and celebrity Anna Kendrick. Have my friends ever met Pres. Bush or Anna Kendrick? Not that I know of. Yet there is a sense of connection that comes from being part of this chain of challenges that causes one to feel like they are a part of a larger community of "ALS supporters" worldwide.

3. We are challenge acceptors.

When someone calls you out in their video recording of their Ice Bucket Challenge and tells you to either follow suit or pay up, you haven't entered some kind of covenant agreement with that person. You are technically under no obligation whatsoever to even consider doing what they asked. However, clearly people are accepting the challenge more often than not, because I can't even scroll through my news feed without seeing someone doused in water every other status update. We live in a society that is very willing to live up to someone's challenge whether it be for the sake of pride or for the sake of the other person's satisfaction.

These are just three of the social norms that I have seen emerge in the midst of this new trend. So, what do these three statements tell us about how to reach people with the Gospel? Well, we established that people ARE looking to be a part of something that matters. Realistically, only the Gospel can truly satisfy this search. What matters more? Something temporary or something eternal? What else is eternal besides the Kingdom of God? Instead of banging Bibles over the heads of people in our lives who have found themselves in a jam because they became a part of the wrong "something" in their effort to matter, why don't we try inviting them to join us instead? People DO very much value community and connection. Instead of being exclusively wrapped up within our own little circles of faith, let's show the world that they matter to God just as much as we do and that they have a place among his people as well… regardless of who they are. We ARE challenge acceptors. What could be more exciting that accepting the challenge to lay down one's life in a pursuit of Life himself. Christianity isn't supposed to be a boring ferry ride from point A to point B. Christianity is a wild adventure that brings new life and joy and excitement with each coming morning. How about challenging your friend to embark on that journey rather than experiment with the effects of hypothermia for the sake of a cause we could all just afford to donate some extra money to anyways? Let us be learners of our culture, followers of Jesus, and lovers of people. Challenge accepted?

Being Less Than in a Greater Than World

I cannot begin to convey to you my horror over what I just witnessed with my own two eyes. While waiting to be checked out at our local Hobby Lobby, I watched a middle aged woman ram her way past the six or seven people behind me in line to take the next spot at the newly available cashier. Though usually it is considered courteous to allow whoever has been waiting in line the longest to make their way to the unoccupied register, I didn't think much about this woman's somewhat rude insistence that she be the next customer to be served. I had been waiting that long, I could wait a few more minutes. Unfortunately, two of the women behind me weren't so persuaded that this impatient woman's actions were socially excusable. The offended customers shouted down the line that there were people waiting and the overly eager woman needed to resume her place in the line behind everyone else. The woman who had considered herself entitled to the front spot responded that had the other two women been more aggressive, this never would have happened. After all, "you snooze you lose." That's when all chaos broke loose. Insults were hurled up and down the line of bewildered customers for a solid five minutes before the manager walked up to try and restore order… by siding with the proclaimed "cutter." Way to make matters worse. By the time I made my way through the line, the three strangers had insulted each other's character, integrity, and the validity of their upbringings. As soon as I had my receipt in hand, I practically sprinted out of the store.

What on earth?! There was one solution to that entire mess that was left completely unconsidered. Had any one of the three women determined that she was going to allow another human being to for a moment be considered of more importance than herself, the screaming match never would have seen the light of day. Had you suggested that to any of the three, however, my educated guess is that they would have laughed in your face. Allow someone else to be first at the sake of my pride and the meeting of my own needs? That's absolutely unheard of in our society. We can't stomach the idea of being less than anyone. We deserve to be the greatest after all. Why? Well, we aren't really sure, but our sense of entitlement stands regardless. 

What if Jesus would have come to the earth insisting that he be allowed to be the first, the greatest, the most important? I can tell you this, we would all still be dying in our sins because he never would have made it to the cross. It would have cost too much. Too much pain. Too much pride. Too much service on his part. However, Jesus, though equal with God, did not consider himself in equality with God. Rather, he humbled himself in obedience to the point of death, even death on a cross. No one here is asking you to humble yourself to death. However, I am asking both you and myself if we could stand to consider ourselves a little more "less than" among people who insist on being "greater than." God instructs us in Philippians 2:3 to do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility to count others as more important than ourselves. That means that we don't sit around weighing the scales to determine whether or not we think someone is "worth it." To Jesus, they WERE worth it, and that's just about the only scale that matters.

Baggage Claim

Have you ever been walking through the airport and noticed a lady struggling to balance her human-sized suitcase, a carry on, a sleeping bag, a purse, a tech box, and 6 teenagers all while attempting to chug a bottle of water before it was confiscated by the TSA? If you happened to be one of the men or woman fortunate enough to see such an entertaining sight, that was probably me you were gaping at. The past two summers I have had the privilege of venturing abroad with an awesome missions organization called Global Expeditions as a missionary advisor. One of my responsibilities under that title was to make sure that I got myself, 6 teenagers between the ages of 13-17, all of our luggage, 7 passports and visas, and a box full of peanut butter and jelly onto the correct airplane BEFORE the gate was closed. Some of the most stressful moments of my adult life have occurred in the airport on the way out of the country, and some of the most relieving moments have occurred as they shut the door to the plane and we taxied down the runway with all of our luggage and all of my kids in the designated areas. Unfortunately, as soon as the plane would land in Sao Paulo or Lima, or back in Dallas, it would be my responsibility once again to collect all of the luggage as it made its way down the belt in baggage claim.

Sometimes my life feels a lot like the post-baggage claim trek across the airport. I have had a moment of rest without feeling the weight of worries slung across my back, but now here I am with my bags in hand bending beneath the load that seems too big to bear. I carry around a bag marked fear-- fear of the future, fear of being alone, fear of never amounting to anything, fear of the unknown. I carry around a bag marked weariness-- weary from the day's work, weary from my inability to be still and wait, weary from taking on things that I was never meant to carry. I carry around a bag marked frustration-- frustration with things that are out of my control, frustration with the things I see in myself that shout "you're not doing anything right!", frustration with the people around me who don't seem to be acting the way I desire for them to act.

The sad part is that unlike my luggage at the airport in Sao Paulo, or Lima, or Dallas, no one is asking me to pick up these weighty burdens. I am choosing to do it on my own. No one's life or well-being depends on me toting this heavy weight. I take it on by myself. Not a single person will benefit from the baggage in my hands, but many will suffer from it, including myself. In fact, not only am I not required to carry the burdensome load, but by picking up each of these marked bags, I am denying an offer from someone far more able than myself to come alongside of me and lift my burden.

Jesus is saying, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls." And here I am saying, "No thanks Jesus. I've got it, but it looks like some of these other guys could use a hand. Why don't you go ask them?" What a huge error on my part. Here Jesus stands offering to take my heavy bag marked fear and replace it with a weightless backpack called peace. Here he stands offering to take the burdensome frustration and replace it with a carry-on called patience. Here Jesus waits to take my weariness and replace it with perfect rest. Each exchange depends solely on one thing-- my willingness to put down my bags and follow him.

Instagramification: What Our Social Media Habits Say About Our Generation Part 2

Part 2: Instagramification

In her super awesome Australian accent, Christine Caine called it our obsession with the "instant snap and upload." She was, and now I am, referring to this generations' infatuation with instantaneous social media capabilities. Your dog digging a hole into your neighbor's backyard? Don't worry, you can snap and upload that pic long before Spot's little nose ever crosses that property line. Did your baby just say her first word? Forget calling her "dada" whose name was the first audible sound to ever escape her mouth, that would take way too much time. Insta video that awesomeness for all the world to see. In less than 10 seconds we have the ability to transport our entire fan club of followers into our backyard, our home, our car, and even our overseas vacation.

What an amazingly advanced age we live in where a world full of information is at our instant beck and call. And all is good and fine until you see that little status bar at the top of your news feed come to a halt, or until you open your Instagram only to see that little loading circle of spite staring back at you. If you're like me, at that point you want to close out all your apps, consider writing a strongly worded letter to someone at the corporate office about why Instagram shouldn't be allowed to use the word 'insta' if it's going to take so long, and immediately look up the Apple helpline phone number because there MUST be something wrong if your phone is asking you to actually WAIT on something to happen. After all, we just don't have time to wait on anything these days.

Major problem. As a whole, our generation does not know how to wait for anything. I mean, why should we if we are paying a premium to have faster everything? To mention the words "dial-up" to anyone younger than 20 is like mentioning the words "Pony Express." They've probably heard of it before, but only in the history books. We've slowly done away with anything that requires us to wait. We are slowly doing away with the concept of delayed gratification. Our culture says if you don't want to wait until you're married to have sex, do it now. If you don't want to wait until you've earned your own money, take someone else's! If you are tired of waiting to be promoted, manipulate your way to the top! Why put in work for something you could pay to have handed to you?

Often times, we slash our way through shortcuts for the sake of expediency and instant gratification and we destroy the thing we are longing for because we take it too early. If you pick an orange before it is ripe, you aren't going to possess anything worth eating. If a woman goes into labor before the baby has come full term, there may be fatal consequences for the child. It seems like these days we don't care about anything enough to wait for it but the reality is that anything worth having is worth waiting for. The Kingdom of God is a lot about waiting. In fact, as a believer in Jesus Christ, I find my hope in the waiting.

If God were to hand me the fruition of every one of my dreams this very moment, I promise that I would destroy them long before I had the opportunity to enjoy them. Why? Because God is still developing me, molding me, and refining me so that when the time comes, I will be able to be a good steward of my dreams. I am encouraged in my waiting to pursue God and to desire things on his terms. Culture is telling me that if I can't have it now, it's not worth my time, but Jesus whispers that if it's not worth my time, it's probably not worth it.

I Love My Selfie, I Hate My Selfie: What Our Social Media Habits Say About Our Generation

Part 1: Our obsession with the selfie.

I’ve done it. You’ve done it. If she has a smartphone, your grandma has probably done it.  Though there’s nothing wrong with posting a selfie, you have to admit that our culture is obsessed with it. So obsessed, in fact, that apparently a band called The Chain Smokers has made hundreds of thousands of dollars off their single hit titled “#Selfie.” I only know this because when I typed the word “selfie” into the Google search bar, the lyrics to this hit song were the first thing to pop up on the world’s most popular search engine. Feeling a little naïve about never having heard this song that has 111,066,303 views and counting on YouTube, I clicked on the link to see the lyrics.  Let me just say, that’s 30 seconds of my life that I will never get back. Literally, the most ridiculous song I have ever not heard, but what did I expect from a band who calls themselves “The Chain Smokers?” However absurd the song may be, the chorus does reveal something so significant about a trap that our generation has walked right into. Let me give you the radio version…

Can you guys help me pick a filter?

I don't know if I should go with XX Pro or Valencia

I wanna look tan

What should my caption be?

I want it to be clever

How about "Livin' with my b***es, hash tag LIVE"

I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes

Do you think I should take it down?

LET ME TAKE ANOTHER SELFIE

Sad. Sad. Sad. What our obsession with the selfie reveals about our generation is an overall loss of our identity and an extreme plague of insecurity. Insecurity may not seem like it belongs on some fictional list of the “7 deadly sins,” but insecurity is possibly the biggest trap the enemy has laid for our generation. Why? Because insecurity leads to idolatry, pride, manipulation, gossip, and envy, and it causes blindness to the fact that we were made in the image of an Almighty Creator God. When we do not know who we are, we will bow down to the first thing that offers us a sense of significance. When we do not know who we are, we will boast in ourselves in order to become something in the eyes of others. When we do not know who we are, we will do whatever we have to in order to fight our way into the limelight. When we do not know who we are, we will cut one another down so that they cannot be confident in who they are. When we do not know who we are, we will wish we were something we are not. When we do not know who we are, we cannot fully know the God who created us.

We put ourselves out there waiting for someone to validate who we are. We have an innate desire to know that we are admired, that we are desired, that we are worth something; and instead of looking to the single source of our value, we look to one another and we are sadly disappointed. The reality is that no matter how many “likes” you get, it will never make you feel loved. No matter how many “hits” you get, it will never validate your worth. There is but one source and his name is Jesus Christ. He admired, desired, and counted us as worthy to the point of death. When he took the weight of our sin on that cross, he paid the price for our validation. Our longing for affirmation will take us to places we never intended to go if we do not search for it in the presence of Jesus. No one can tell you that you are not worthy, that you are not good enough, when you know the enormity of the sacrifice that he made for you. So go ahead and post your weekly selfie. I’m not expecting you to go on a selfie strike. But don’t you dare post that selfie as a solicitation for affirmation.  You are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that you should walk in them.

What Testimony?

A request that I get a lot as a pastor's kid, but also as a person who frequently finds herself immersed in spiritual conversations, is to share my testimony. If you would have walked up to me a few years ago and asked me "what's your testimony?" I most likely would have cringed, cast my eyes down, and said "What testimony?" I had this idea in my head that all testimonies sounded like this:

"Well after my parents abandoned me, I tried to rob a bank and I landed in prison at the age of 14 where I got hooked on drugs. I was an alcoholic by the age of 16 and I later found myself in rehab. One night Jesus appeared to me in a dream and told me if I didn't get my life right I was going to die. I surrendered my life to Christ and from that moment on I have been faithfully serving the Lord and my life is awesome."

I have heard testimonies like that, and they are powerful! But since my story sounded NOTHING like that, for the longest time I just assumed I had no testimony. I have never broken the law (minus the occasional speeding ticket, oops), I have never done drugs, I have never had a single sip of alcohol in my life, I didn't go through the "typical" rebellious teenager phase, and I grew up with two parents who could be the poster children for a curriculum on Godly parenting. I had convinced myself that God was never going to be able to use my story because it just wasn't bad enough. The very thought that I needed to have an extra "bad" life to have an extra "good" testimony makes me laugh now. 

Some of us as Christians have come to view our testimony as an opportunity to air our dirty laundry and prove just how bad we were before we encountered Christ. We boast in the fact that we were the worst sinners as if that makes Jesus more of a savior. That's not even what the word testimony means! A testimony is our opportunity to testify about the goodness and faithfulness of God in our lives. I don't need to go and purposefully do really bad, illegal things to prove that my God is really good. Rule followers are in just as much need of God as rule breakers. When I took the focus off of myself and put the spotlight on God, I realized that my testimony was just as powerful as the testimonies of my friends who have stories like the one I mentioned above.

Now that I have a more clear understanding of what it means to have a testimony and to share that story with the world, I jump at the opportunity. I love sitting down over coffee and pouring my heart out to anyone who can benefit from the story of God's faithfulness in my life. So, what is my testimony? I would love to tell you.

My testimony is the fact that I never thought I had one. I grew up in an incredible family. My mom and dad pastor one of the best churches on the face of the planet, and I was exposed to the Gospel at a very early age. When I was four years old, I made a very conscious, very sincere decision to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I fully understood that I was in just as much need of Him as the most hardened criminal. The Gospel is for everyone, after all. I was not the perfect child by any means, but really, is there such a thing? Growing up, I battled with fear, habitual sin, a bad attitude, insecurities, and other things that make me human, but God consistently displayed His grace and favor, and was my constant companion as I walked through those things with Him. Thankfully, He still shows that same grace and favor as I walk through new battles with Him to this day.

 Because my mom and dad were firm believers in the fact that even young people can do ministry, I had a ton of opportunities to serve the Kingdom as a child, and I loved it! I had the opportunity even as a pre-teen and then teenager to lead worship, teach the Bible, feed our people, and just love on those who needed it most. The summer before eighth grade, I heard the call of God on my life to do full-time ministry for the very first time and that is the call that I continue to pursue to this day. I haven't lived a life free of sickness, or sin, or problems by any means, but I have lived a life that has been very protected by God… for a purpose. With an understanding of the call of God on my life, there have been a lot of things that I have had to say no to when others were saying yes. I said no to listening to secular music in high school, I said no to dating, I said no to watching movies that would not edify me, I said no to parties and drinking, and I said yes to a life ruled by Jesus. I decided to be set apart for God.

All throughout the Bible, we see instances of God setting people apart specifically to do something for His Kingdom. When he was just a boy, God gave Samuel his first message for the people and set him apart as a prophet to the nation of Israel. When God called Gideon, He told him to consecrate himself, or set himself apart, so that he could be used by God. When Jesus sent the disciples to fetch the donkey that He would use for His triumphant entry into Jerusalem, He instructed them to bring Him a donkey that no man had ever ridden before. The colt had been tied up for God's purposes and now the very first person to break him in would be Jesus himself. I allowed myself to be tied up for God so that I could carry His Gospel to the world. 

Now let me add this disclaimer just to be completely clear. If your story looks more like the second paragraph of this blog and a little less like mine, I am NOT saying God cannot use you. He can and He will use you to reach people that I will never be able to reach. I don't know what it's like to grow up without a dad, or to have battled a drug addiction, or to have been set free from an undesirable upbringing. I can speak truth from the Word of God to people in those situations, but I will never be able to tell them "I have been there and this is what God did in me."You have the ability to walk them through that thing at a level I will never be able to without the supernatural intervention of God. I am also NOT saying that I'm the perfect little girl who can count the total number of mistakes I've made on my right hand. 

MY POINT IS THIS… no matter who you are, where you've come from, and how your story sounds, GOD CAN AND WANTS TO USE IT. Your problems are not to big nor are they too small to be a tool of redemption in the hand of God. Your testimony is not about you, but it about the faithful God who brought you to where you are today. Our testimonies are one of our biggest weapons against the enemy.

"And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and BY THEIR TESTIMONY. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die." Revelation 12:11