I Am For You

I am afraid two blogs in two days might be overkill, so I will keep this one very short and very simple. I wrestled to even write this down anywhere but in my own journal, but I don't want someone to miss out on something that might not just be for me. If it is just for the sake of one more to hear Jesus speaking today, let me open my heart to you all again.

I woke up this morning at 6am. That would be totally normal for some people, but I am junior in college and we tend not to do much before 8 in the morning especially during dead week. My eyes popped open and I instantly felt overwhelmed by the day at hand. I knew I had some hard things to face and I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and face it all over again in two hours. My body wouldn't let me.

I rolled out of bed and headed for the shower. If you read my blog yesterday, you know that the shower usually signifies a Jesus meeting, but I felt so heavy hearted I didn't want to let my walls down. I felt myself pulling my heart further inside of me in an attempt not to turn it over for the daily examination, but I know better than to run from Jesus.

I got ready as quickly as I could, packed my bag, and headed for the prayer tower here at ORU. I had a final, work, and a lot of uncomfortable situations ahead of me, but I could hear Jesus calling. I spent about an hour downstairs sobbing as I let Jesus chisel away at my walls and restore pieces of my heart, and let me tell you… It hurt. It always hurts when Jesus is removing barriers, but the reward is always so sweet.

The upstairs of the prayer tower has been reconstructed over the years as a type of guided "prayer journey" for students and visitors to walk around and listen for the voice of God. It maybe sounds a bit spooky to you, but all it is really is excerpts from Oral Robert's book on how to hear from God painted on the walls as you walk the circle overlooking the campus. I have only been up there one time in all my time as a student here at ORU, but this morning, it sounded like a good idea. I went up and walked the circle paying no attention to the words on the walls. As I was about to go back down, a still small voice prompted me to walk it again and really listen. I was clinging to words God had spoken yesterday and the day before, but I needed to hear him today. I needed to know what he was saying to me.

I got to the second excerpt from the book painted on the wall, when Jesus whispered "I am with you." I said thanks to Jesus because he was speaking directly to a fear I had been facing and that was awesome, but he had already told me that yesterday (major heart check needed! I want the voice of Jesus to always shake me to my core no matter what he says!) I kept walking when all of a sudden Jesus whispered, "Not only am I WITH you but I am FOR you." I totally lost it. I thought I had no tears left after the first hour in there… I was wrong. He started speaking to me that not only does he walk beside me, but he walks ahead of me, fighting for me, making a way for me, orchestrating events and circumstances for my good, working out the minute details of my life.

That is MIND BLOWING to me!! The creator of the universe who I have been created for, is for me! Why?! It makes no sense! He could choose to be a God that sits on his throne solely absorbing the praises of his people, but he chooses to get his hands dirty. He chooses to work in us and through us and for us. WHAT. PLEASE HEAR ME! God is not only with you, he is FOR you. He proved it when he took the cross and tore the veil making a way for you to come to him. Don't for a second doubt his faithfulness or his love for you, that he would turn the whole world upside down for the sake of one of his kids. I don't know what you're facing. I may not even know you, but I know God is FOR you. So rise up, friend, out of the ashes and the fear and doubt, and take a hold of the promises and call of God on your life. Use your every breath to sing of his mercy and love and faithfulness.